Loose Ends
My thoughts are here to express my opinions against those of others. In each chapter, I’ve tried to consider both sides of the argument even if it may not seem so. In addition, I’ve tried to back up my beliefs with quotes or judgments of notable people. I guess it’s to comfort me by letting me know that I’m not alone in my thoughts. Or it’s a feeble attempt to influence those who do not share my convictions. In my last chapter, I mentioned how beautiful girls who have repulsive attitudes are still endured simply because they are good-looking. By sheer coincidence, a quote supporting my theory fell in my lap. “What a strange illusion it is to suppose that beauty is goodness” – Leo Tolstoy. My literal translation of this said that a beautiful girl is automatically assumed to have an appealing personality. This isn’t exactly what I tried to say but it is close.
“Banana Man” mentioned in his blog that he sometimes enjoys having negative thoughts. I feel that I share this trait with him. Whenever I tried to find a reason for my cruelty to friends, I would wonder whether it was because I enjoyed the pain I caused. I’ve got no answer for that as of yet.
It’s been interesting reading the blogs of my friends and comparing them. We all undergo similar scenarios but how we interpret them really shows our individuality. “Everybody is unique… just like everyone else.”
“Artsie” was quite taken with a certain question; enough so that he mentioned it in his blog. “What is the life of one man worth?” My answer to that was “Not the life of another.” A scenario came to my mind. What if that one man is the key to preventing the deaths of several others? Then what is his life worth? Perhaps his life is worth preserving but I don’t think that others should die protecting him. However, this is my current opinion and I don’t know whether I’ll hold the same belief if I’m presented with the situation in real time. Then again, I would rather not have to choose who dies and who lives.
I’ve been carefully listening to what my readers say about my chapters. As expected, no one really likes them since I normally complain about something or I tease someone. I’ll start off with my parents. My father was worried that my thoughts indicate depression, withdrawal and a possible dispute between me and “Hyper Dude”. He also wondered whether I had a girlfriend, since I talked quite a bit about romance in my last chapter. Lastly, he wanted to know who “Sis” was.
It’s funny. When “Sis” first evolved, I wasn’t planning on telling anyone. However, the news spread around and I’m sure that almost everyone has heard about Sis at one point or the other. No one besides me and “Sis” knows who she is. Quite a few people find this whole concept ridiculous and I’m not going to argue with them. However, they were not in my situation so they shouldn’t really question my motives either. “Hyper Dude” and “Pikloo” have taken it upon themselves to embellish this relationship. With a few lewd insertions, the concept of “Sis” has been perverted. However, I’m greatly amused by the recitals of their opinions so I don’t really bother stopping them.
I can think of one other person who has usefully commented on my thoughts. I shall call her “Fluffy” or “Fluff”. I don’t know which one she prefers. She notes that I tend to pick on “Hyper Dude” way too much. I don’t deny that. It’s fun! She herself was annoyed greatly by my thoughts and at one point wanted to strangle me. She’s trying to help me so I won’t make fun of her. Not that I need help though. I’m happy with who I am even though I know I have flaws that I could attempt to correct. Even though I don’t place much value in the comments of others, I do listen to them. If they make sense to me and put up a good argument, I attempt to follow their advice.
Another friend of mine who’s almost synonymous with “Artsie” is “Midas”. I’ve known her for just as long as I’ve known “Artsie”. She too has succumbed to blogging. So, five out of our group of seven have blogs. I do not know about “The Cheshire Cat” or “The Lone Ranger”. If I remember correctly, “The Cheshire Cat” mentioned that he had a blog but failed to remember its address or password. In case anyone is wondering, “The Lone Ranger” is “Artsie #2”. I call him “The Lone Ranger” because he can go for ages without spotting a single player in Counter-Strike.
“Banana Man” tends to write about his thoughts and his complaints. “Hyper Dude” writes about the events that took place in his day and what he plans for the following day. Every so often, he talks about his thoughts. Of course, he hasn’t updated his blog for almost a month now. “Artsie” said that he would not talk about feelings or show some other side of him. Instead, he too talks about the events that take place in his day. He recently mentioned that he had a lot to write in his blog but didn’t have the time to jot everything down. “Midas” has apparently failed to grasp either concept of a blog. She doesn’t want everyone to know what she thinks or so she claims (to think). Of course, she might just settle for writing about her days. I don’t really see that as happening. Of course, I could be wrong. I may be fairly accurate at predicting the actions of guys but I don’t have the same faith in myself when it comes to predicting the actions of girls. Finally, I come to myself. You all know what I write about.
I haven’t talked about “Midas”. That’s surprising since I consider her a close friend and she’s a lot of fun to have around. Of course, I’ve been out of touch with her for over 5 years or so and I can’t expect all our conversations to be really comfortable. I got over that hurdle with “Artsie” fairly quickly because we spent so much time together in this residence. When I first met “Artsie”, all we did was shake hands and say that we’ll meet again. After that, we went our own ways. Later on, we started meeting each other more often until we began meeting everyday. Now I find my day is incomplete when I don’t meet any one of the six. Everyday, I go to bed feeling a bit disappointed that I didn’t meet one of the six. He/she knows who he/she is.
Ok, I’m going to go a bit off-track here. Let me do a bit of reminiscing. I met “Midas” in my grade school. I remember that her best friend used to be a girl called “Sadaf Mir”. Correct me if I’m wrong. One of my foggy memories concerning “Midas” goes back to Sadaf’s birthday party. Or was it Mariam Attarwala’s? Anyhow, I remember teasing Sadaf for having piggy tails. This is all rambling. I think what really strengthened my friendship with “Midas” was performing a play with her. She played the role of King Midas and I played the blasphemous part of god. I’m sure you’ve guessed that the play was “The Golden Touch”. I think “Artsie” was my assistant. We didn’t spend much time rehearsing the play. We decided that we were going to wing it. We all knew the general gist of the story so we would improvise on the words. The play was a hit, I believe. Compared to the play put on by the other group, ours was amazing.
Anyhow, at the end of Grade 7, I left St. Michael’s and didn’t have any contact with “Artsie” or “Midas”. I knew my parents were considering changing my school but I didn’t really realise it until I was enrolled in The City School. I think that was the biggest and perhaps the only mistake that my parents made concerning my education. So all I had was “Artsie’s” phone number. Turned out that he had shifted to a new house leaving me with no way of contacting him. It was up to him to call me. Eventually he did… a month or two before I was leaving for the United Arab Emirates. I didn’t really stay in contact with either “Artsie” or “Midas” after I emigrated. I didn’t manage to call “Artsie” even when I visited Pakistan. However, “Artsie” eventually got my MSN e-mail and we finally had the means to talk to each other. Not that we talked often, but it was enough for us to let the other know the happenings in our lives. It was from him that I got “Midas’” e-mail. Over the next few years, I barely kept in touch with those two. However, they definitely kept talking to each other. “It’s a small world”. It just so happened that all three of us were coming to University of Toronto. The fact that these two were coming here played a big factor in helping me choose the University of Toronto.
“Midas” says that she doesn’t believe that I’ll be able to hold onto a girlfriend. My sarcasm and wit will drive any girl away. I don’t disagree with her. She bases her theory on observation of my sarcastic side. What amuses me is that I’ve always been mildly sardonic around her. I’m not too comfortable with making cutting remarks around girls. Not that it would stop me from making at least a few. So if she thinks that my mild side is enough to drive away a girl, I wonder what effects my sarcasm can have when I unleash it in all its glory.
Side note: Audioslave- Like A Stone is a really good song.
Here’s where I begin theorising and could be completely wrong. I’ve had dinner with “Midas” a few times and each time, I had the impression that she has an underlying sarcastic tongue and wit. However, I believe that I’ve only seen her mild side too. I would like to see her give a free rein to her scorn. Of course, the results may be far from appealing.
To get back to the point I was eventually going to make when I started listing which of my friends were bloggers. Both “Artsie” and “Midas” share something similar to me in their thoughts. They do not want people to know about their thoughts. I’ve been like that for several years and preferred keeping my thoughts a secret. However, I’ve been reproached frequently for my closeness. Apparently, the few people who have made an attempt to get to know me better do not appreciate the fact that I’m making it harder on them by shutting myself into a nutshell. So, am I saying that “Artsie” and “Midas” are on the wrong track? Absolutely not. I still think that ones’ thoughts should be kept to oneself. “Artsie” has the same ‘paranoid’ conception as me. If someone knows another’s thoughts, they can blackmail the ‘thinker’. Then why do I continue to blog?
Well, for starters, I don’t have anything else to say. I don’t think that others will find my day’s events interesting. Also, I’ve found that my thoughts have some poisonous content in them which hurts others. I’ve become drunk with power and I enjoy the pain that I can cause with a few words. Along with my thoughts, I can also take occasional jibs at anyone. My thoughts would be wasted if I didn’t write anything in it worth reading/skimming over. If I can keep my readers interested enough to come back week after week to read what I wrote, then I know that I’m not wasting my time. I guess you could interpret my long chapters this way. Perhaps I’m writing such long chapters in the hope that I’ll say at least one interesting thing.
Whatever my reasons could be, I know one thing for sure. My reason is definitely not as simple as me wanting an outlet for my thoughts. I’ve been content with keeping to myself for so many years. Why would I change that now?
I mentioned in my first chapter that I’ve always had someone to help me climb out of a rut and move along. Perhaps, this change came around so surprisingly because I found no one was around to help me out of my rut this time and that it was up to me to get out myself. These are all second-guesses. I believe I know what the real reason is but I choose not to write it. Instead, I’m opting to just offer several decoy excuses and let my readers decide for themselves.
As many of you may have noticed, I’ve not had anything to write about this time. Unlike the other chapters which were organised and smooth flowing, this chapter jumps from topic to topic. I wanted to mention some small point and after I did that, I found that there were several other small points that I wanted to address too. I’ve finally come up with a title for this chapter. Loose Ends.
“Banana Man” mentioned in his blog that he sometimes enjoys having negative thoughts. I feel that I share this trait with him. Whenever I tried to find a reason for my cruelty to friends, I would wonder whether it was because I enjoyed the pain I caused. I’ve got no answer for that as of yet.
It’s been interesting reading the blogs of my friends and comparing them. We all undergo similar scenarios but how we interpret them really shows our individuality. “Everybody is unique… just like everyone else.”
“Artsie” was quite taken with a certain question; enough so that he mentioned it in his blog. “What is the life of one man worth?” My answer to that was “Not the life of another.” A scenario came to my mind. What if that one man is the key to preventing the deaths of several others? Then what is his life worth? Perhaps his life is worth preserving but I don’t think that others should die protecting him. However, this is my current opinion and I don’t know whether I’ll hold the same belief if I’m presented with the situation in real time. Then again, I would rather not have to choose who dies and who lives.
I’ve been carefully listening to what my readers say about my chapters. As expected, no one really likes them since I normally complain about something or I tease someone. I’ll start off with my parents. My father was worried that my thoughts indicate depression, withdrawal and a possible dispute between me and “Hyper Dude”. He also wondered whether I had a girlfriend, since I talked quite a bit about romance in my last chapter. Lastly, he wanted to know who “Sis” was.
It’s funny. When “Sis” first evolved, I wasn’t planning on telling anyone. However, the news spread around and I’m sure that almost everyone has heard about Sis at one point or the other. No one besides me and “Sis” knows who she is. Quite a few people find this whole concept ridiculous and I’m not going to argue with them. However, they were not in my situation so they shouldn’t really question my motives either. “Hyper Dude” and “Pikloo” have taken it upon themselves to embellish this relationship. With a few lewd insertions, the concept of “Sis” has been perverted. However, I’m greatly amused by the recitals of their opinions so I don’t really bother stopping them.
I can think of one other person who has usefully commented on my thoughts. I shall call her “Fluffy” or “Fluff”. I don’t know which one she prefers. She notes that I tend to pick on “Hyper Dude” way too much. I don’t deny that. It’s fun! She herself was annoyed greatly by my thoughts and at one point wanted to strangle me. She’s trying to help me so I won’t make fun of her. Not that I need help though. I’m happy with who I am even though I know I have flaws that I could attempt to correct. Even though I don’t place much value in the comments of others, I do listen to them. If they make sense to me and put up a good argument, I attempt to follow their advice.
Another friend of mine who’s almost synonymous with “Artsie” is “Midas”. I’ve known her for just as long as I’ve known “Artsie”. She too has succumbed to blogging. So, five out of our group of seven have blogs. I do not know about “The Cheshire Cat” or “The Lone Ranger”. If I remember correctly, “The Cheshire Cat” mentioned that he had a blog but failed to remember its address or password. In case anyone is wondering, “The Lone Ranger” is “Artsie #2”. I call him “The Lone Ranger” because he can go for ages without spotting a single player in Counter-Strike.
“Banana Man” tends to write about his thoughts and his complaints. “Hyper Dude” writes about the events that took place in his day and what he plans for the following day. Every so often, he talks about his thoughts. Of course, he hasn’t updated his blog for almost a month now. “Artsie” said that he would not talk about feelings or show some other side of him. Instead, he too talks about the events that take place in his day. He recently mentioned that he had a lot to write in his blog but didn’t have the time to jot everything down. “Midas” has apparently failed to grasp either concept of a blog. She doesn’t want everyone to know what she thinks or so she claims (to think). Of course, she might just settle for writing about her days. I don’t really see that as happening. Of course, I could be wrong. I may be fairly accurate at predicting the actions of guys but I don’t have the same faith in myself when it comes to predicting the actions of girls. Finally, I come to myself. You all know what I write about.
I haven’t talked about “Midas”. That’s surprising since I consider her a close friend and she’s a lot of fun to have around. Of course, I’ve been out of touch with her for over 5 years or so and I can’t expect all our conversations to be really comfortable. I got over that hurdle with “Artsie” fairly quickly because we spent so much time together in this residence. When I first met “Artsie”, all we did was shake hands and say that we’ll meet again. After that, we went our own ways. Later on, we started meeting each other more often until we began meeting everyday. Now I find my day is incomplete when I don’t meet any one of the six. Everyday, I go to bed feeling a bit disappointed that I didn’t meet one of the six. He/she knows who he/she is.
Ok, I’m going to go a bit off-track here. Let me do a bit of reminiscing. I met “Midas” in my grade school. I remember that her best friend used to be a girl called “Sadaf Mir”. Correct me if I’m wrong. One of my foggy memories concerning “Midas” goes back to Sadaf’s birthday party. Or was it Mariam Attarwala’s? Anyhow, I remember teasing Sadaf for having piggy tails. This is all rambling. I think what really strengthened my friendship with “Midas” was performing a play with her. She played the role of King Midas and I played the blasphemous part of god. I’m sure you’ve guessed that the play was “The Golden Touch”. I think “Artsie” was my assistant. We didn’t spend much time rehearsing the play. We decided that we were going to wing it. We all knew the general gist of the story so we would improvise on the words. The play was a hit, I believe. Compared to the play put on by the other group, ours was amazing.
Anyhow, at the end of Grade 7, I left St. Michael’s and didn’t have any contact with “Artsie” or “Midas”. I knew my parents were considering changing my school but I didn’t really realise it until I was enrolled in The City School. I think that was the biggest and perhaps the only mistake that my parents made concerning my education. So all I had was “Artsie’s” phone number. Turned out that he had shifted to a new house leaving me with no way of contacting him. It was up to him to call me. Eventually he did… a month or two before I was leaving for the United Arab Emirates. I didn’t really stay in contact with either “Artsie” or “Midas” after I emigrated. I didn’t manage to call “Artsie” even when I visited Pakistan. However, “Artsie” eventually got my MSN e-mail and we finally had the means to talk to each other. Not that we talked often, but it was enough for us to let the other know the happenings in our lives. It was from him that I got “Midas’” e-mail. Over the next few years, I barely kept in touch with those two. However, they definitely kept talking to each other. “It’s a small world”. It just so happened that all three of us were coming to University of Toronto. The fact that these two were coming here played a big factor in helping me choose the University of Toronto.
“Midas” says that she doesn’t believe that I’ll be able to hold onto a girlfriend. My sarcasm and wit will drive any girl away. I don’t disagree with her. She bases her theory on observation of my sarcastic side. What amuses me is that I’ve always been mildly sardonic around her. I’m not too comfortable with making cutting remarks around girls. Not that it would stop me from making at least a few. So if she thinks that my mild side is enough to drive away a girl, I wonder what effects my sarcasm can have when I unleash it in all its glory.
Side note: Audioslave- Like A Stone is a really good song.
Here’s where I begin theorising and could be completely wrong. I’ve had dinner with “Midas” a few times and each time, I had the impression that she has an underlying sarcastic tongue and wit. However, I believe that I’ve only seen her mild side too. I would like to see her give a free rein to her scorn. Of course, the results may be far from appealing.
To get back to the point I was eventually going to make when I started listing which of my friends were bloggers. Both “Artsie” and “Midas” share something similar to me in their thoughts. They do not want people to know about their thoughts. I’ve been like that for several years and preferred keeping my thoughts a secret. However, I’ve been reproached frequently for my closeness. Apparently, the few people who have made an attempt to get to know me better do not appreciate the fact that I’m making it harder on them by shutting myself into a nutshell. So, am I saying that “Artsie” and “Midas” are on the wrong track? Absolutely not. I still think that ones’ thoughts should be kept to oneself. “Artsie” has the same ‘paranoid’ conception as me. If someone knows another’s thoughts, they can blackmail the ‘thinker’. Then why do I continue to blog?
Well, for starters, I don’t have anything else to say. I don’t think that others will find my day’s events interesting. Also, I’ve found that my thoughts have some poisonous content in them which hurts others. I’ve become drunk with power and I enjoy the pain that I can cause with a few words. Along with my thoughts, I can also take occasional jibs at anyone. My thoughts would be wasted if I didn’t write anything in it worth reading/skimming over. If I can keep my readers interested enough to come back week after week to read what I wrote, then I know that I’m not wasting my time. I guess you could interpret my long chapters this way. Perhaps I’m writing such long chapters in the hope that I’ll say at least one interesting thing.
Whatever my reasons could be, I know one thing for sure. My reason is definitely not as simple as me wanting an outlet for my thoughts. I’ve been content with keeping to myself for so many years. Why would I change that now?
I mentioned in my first chapter that I’ve always had someone to help me climb out of a rut and move along. Perhaps, this change came around so surprisingly because I found no one was around to help me out of my rut this time and that it was up to me to get out myself. These are all second-guesses. I believe I know what the real reason is but I choose not to write it. Instead, I’m opting to just offer several decoy excuses and let my readers decide for themselves.
As many of you may have noticed, I’ve not had anything to write about this time. Unlike the other chapters which were organised and smooth flowing, this chapter jumps from topic to topic. I wanted to mention some small point and after I did that, I found that there were several other small points that I wanted to address too. I’ve finally come up with a title for this chapter. Loose Ends.
