Determinego
I’m not as confrontational as I used to be because it doesn’t normally get me places when I’m arguing against brick walls. That’s normally the feeling that others get when they argue with me. They just can’t break my stubbornness or get through to me.
I’m still really confrontational and I just feel a lack of pep in life these days. I could just as well stir up some excitement but confronting everything. It’s sort of like standing on the road under a red light and daring the oncoming car to just try and run you down.
I’m that sort of person. I can do things others won’t dare to try just because I can. It’s the small things like this that provide a small break from routine. The highlight of my day on Monday was visiting a travel agent. That was my break from routine. That was the only break over the past few weeks.
I’m so against routine because I don’t want to be limited. It’s the same thing in studies. I know I’m in over my head with engineering but the only reason I don’t want to give it up is because if I do, then I’ll know that there IS a limit to how far I can go. As long as I can overcome every obstacle that I come to, I have the arrogance complex where I can do whatever I put my mind to. If I admit loss to one obstacle, then I’m already limiting myself. That’s just something I don’t want.
I look back and I think that I should have dropped out of engineering at the end of first year simply because it wasn’t what I was suited for. People choose majors depending on what they’re interested in doing. I chose whatever I was given and now it’s turned out to be an obstacle. I can’t expect myself to give it up now.
Determination has nothing to do with it. To keep my grades up, I need to stay determined, according to some. I think it’s more to do with my ego. To keep up my ego, I need to keep my grades up.
I’m still really confrontational and I just feel a lack of pep in life these days. I could just as well stir up some excitement but confronting everything. It’s sort of like standing on the road under a red light and daring the oncoming car to just try and run you down.
I’m that sort of person. I can do things others won’t dare to try just because I can. It’s the small things like this that provide a small break from routine. The highlight of my day on Monday was visiting a travel agent. That was my break from routine. That was the only break over the past few weeks.
I’m so against routine because I don’t want to be limited. It’s the same thing in studies. I know I’m in over my head with engineering but the only reason I don’t want to give it up is because if I do, then I’ll know that there IS a limit to how far I can go. As long as I can overcome every obstacle that I come to, I have the arrogance complex where I can do whatever I put my mind to. If I admit loss to one obstacle, then I’m already limiting myself. That’s just something I don’t want.
I look back and I think that I should have dropped out of engineering at the end of first year simply because it wasn’t what I was suited for. People choose majors depending on what they’re interested in doing. I chose whatever I was given and now it’s turned out to be an obstacle. I can’t expect myself to give it up now.
Determination has nothing to do with it. To keep my grades up, I need to stay determined, according to some. I think it’s more to do with my ego. To keep up my ego, I need to keep my grades up.
