Return Of The King!
Ribena! A taste of England. I’ve missed that drink. It’s just soooo good.
My winter vacations have passed really busily. Now that they are over, I feel they were too short but when I was getting on the airplane to return to Toronto, it seemed like I had been in Pakistan for more than just 9 days.
Funny! When I thought I wasn’t going, I sent a wedding card and expected it to arrive around the day of the wedding. Turned out, I got there before my card. Not only that, I left before it arrived too. It arrived the day I got back. Just like this summer where I had everyone abuzz with a nice poem about being home and being with family that I wrote on the day I was leaving Karachi, I’ve got everyone talking about something else that came up once I left Karachi. I’m all about making impacts, it seems.
I think one of the main reasons why my parents wanted me there was because they know that in Pakistan, I’m a much better person and not as psychotic. It just seemed like they strove to get me there and it almost seemed like I had quite a few family members who appeared too overjoyed that I was there. I’m all about popularity, it seems.
Everyone keeps joking about how I’ve hooked up and it’s pretty funny watching them try to make fun of me. I actually like hearing all the rumours and stuff that have started up. It’s amusing to see what they think.
I realised that I’m restricted in my blogs since my parents read this and that means that I can’t talk about every single thing that goes through my mind. I know that every parent tells their kid that the kid can discuss any topic at all with the parent. Well, we all know that’s not true and there are always things you can’t tell your parents.
On that note, I need to tell my parents that I’m not talking about depressing thoughts that I know will really send you off the edge but just about other random things most of which are pretty happy thoughts.
“Fartsie” mentioned that all of us seem to be getting so philosophical. As far as I’m aware, the only blog sites that he visits would be mine and “Banana Man’s”. For some reason, I have the impression that people consider philosophical thoughts to be depressing stuff.
Philosophy is quite an interesting topic and I can say that I really like thinking about different sort of things. I’m not looking for anything specific and am not trying to figure out something special. For me, it all boils down to just thinking about the smaller things in life and simply pondering over them. There’s nothing depressing, nothing pleasing, nothing suicidal or euphoric about that. I’m a thinker… nothing wrong with that, right?
I’m not looking forward to the new semester. Like many others, I’m sick of U of T and I want a change. Life in Karachi seems so much better but perhaps that’s because for the past few years, I’ve only been sampling the best of it. I know that life in Toronto is great and that I can have a blast here. If only I could find the time to do that all. I need to organise my time a lot better if I want to enjoy my stay here. But when the university expects 26 hours of work over the weekend, there’s barely any room for enjoyment even if I don’t work for 26 hours.
I wouldn’t mind leaving U of T but so many different things will keep me here. I’m almost done with 2nd year and that would leave 2 more years. I’m not giving up now especially since I’m expecting an improvement for this year. I see so much potential for enjoying what I do if only I can get past the stupid paperwork and into more practical work. I have to wait for my passport time. But I know for sure that as soon as I get my degree (Inshallah), I’m headed straight for Pakistan. Hopefully, by then I’ll have my passport so I won’t need to worry about coming back here. Like I said, life here can be great but that’s not how my life is here.
So, we’re all depressed and we all hate U of T. What next? Nothing. We’re all going to go into the new semester with resolves to work harder and make sure that our grades are good. At the end, we’re going to graduate and we’re going to forget our bad memories of this place and even though we’ll call it a hell-hole, we’re going to tell other people about all the fun we managed to squeeze out of this place.
It’s quite pathetic being depressed about things. Pathetic things piss me off. I’ve become a pathetic person especially over the past few months but it’s like there’s this smug smile on the inside that I know I’m a great person and that I’ll be coming out of all this smelling like an Axe Deodorant.
I’m a pessimist. Whatever… at the end, I’m going to be smiling, I’m going to be tingling with expectation and I’m going to be the candle that lights up the darkness surrounding others. At the end, I’m going to be the great person which so many other people think I am. I’m not working towards being that person because that’s the person other people expect of me. I’m working towards letting that person out of me.
It all boils down to desire. Remember my blog on desire? Let me post it here for you. And no people! It’s not a poem. Just a bunch of paired sentences.
My winter vacations have passed really busily. Now that they are over, I feel they were too short but when I was getting on the airplane to return to Toronto, it seemed like I had been in Pakistan for more than just 9 days.
Funny! When I thought I wasn’t going, I sent a wedding card and expected it to arrive around the day of the wedding. Turned out, I got there before my card. Not only that, I left before it arrived too. It arrived the day I got back. Just like this summer where I had everyone abuzz with a nice poem about being home and being with family that I wrote on the day I was leaving Karachi, I’ve got everyone talking about something else that came up once I left Karachi. I’m all about making impacts, it seems.
I think one of the main reasons why my parents wanted me there was because they know that in Pakistan, I’m a much better person and not as psychotic. It just seemed like they strove to get me there and it almost seemed like I had quite a few family members who appeared too overjoyed that I was there. I’m all about popularity, it seems.
Everyone keeps joking about how I’ve hooked up and it’s pretty funny watching them try to make fun of me. I actually like hearing all the rumours and stuff that have started up. It’s amusing to see what they think.
I realised that I’m restricted in my blogs since my parents read this and that means that I can’t talk about every single thing that goes through my mind. I know that every parent tells their kid that the kid can discuss any topic at all with the parent. Well, we all know that’s not true and there are always things you can’t tell your parents.
On that note, I need to tell my parents that I’m not talking about depressing thoughts that I know will really send you off the edge but just about other random things most of which are pretty happy thoughts.
“Fartsie” mentioned that all of us seem to be getting so philosophical. As far as I’m aware, the only blog sites that he visits would be mine and “Banana Man’s”. For some reason, I have the impression that people consider philosophical thoughts to be depressing stuff.
Philosophy is quite an interesting topic and I can say that I really like thinking about different sort of things. I’m not looking for anything specific and am not trying to figure out something special. For me, it all boils down to just thinking about the smaller things in life and simply pondering over them. There’s nothing depressing, nothing pleasing, nothing suicidal or euphoric about that. I’m a thinker… nothing wrong with that, right?
I’m not looking forward to the new semester. Like many others, I’m sick of U of T and I want a change. Life in Karachi seems so much better but perhaps that’s because for the past few years, I’ve only been sampling the best of it. I know that life in Toronto is great and that I can have a blast here. If only I could find the time to do that all. I need to organise my time a lot better if I want to enjoy my stay here. But when the university expects 26 hours of work over the weekend, there’s barely any room for enjoyment even if I don’t work for 26 hours.
I wouldn’t mind leaving U of T but so many different things will keep me here. I’m almost done with 2nd year and that would leave 2 more years. I’m not giving up now especially since I’m expecting an improvement for this year. I see so much potential for enjoying what I do if only I can get past the stupid paperwork and into more practical work. I have to wait for my passport time. But I know for sure that as soon as I get my degree (Inshallah), I’m headed straight for Pakistan. Hopefully, by then I’ll have my passport so I won’t need to worry about coming back here. Like I said, life here can be great but that’s not how my life is here.
So, we’re all depressed and we all hate U of T. What next? Nothing. We’re all going to go into the new semester with resolves to work harder and make sure that our grades are good. At the end, we’re going to graduate and we’re going to forget our bad memories of this place and even though we’ll call it a hell-hole, we’re going to tell other people about all the fun we managed to squeeze out of this place.
It’s quite pathetic being depressed about things. Pathetic things piss me off. I’ve become a pathetic person especially over the past few months but it’s like there’s this smug smile on the inside that I know I’m a great person and that I’ll be coming out of all this smelling like an Axe Deodorant.
I’m a pessimist. Whatever… at the end, I’m going to be smiling, I’m going to be tingling with expectation and I’m going to be the candle that lights up the darkness surrounding others. At the end, I’m going to be the great person which so many other people think I am. I’m not working towards being that person because that’s the person other people expect of me. I’m working towards letting that person out of me.
It all boils down to desire. Remember my blog on desire? Let me post it here for you. And no people! It’s not a poem. Just a bunch of paired sentences.
I want to die with honour, not live in shame
To take my downs and drag them up
I want to know my friends
Know how to help them be happy
There’s a desire to be successful
I want to have desires
I want to be known, not for money and fame
But known for being there
I need to care for things that matter
Yet nothing matters
People live for the world
I want the world to live for me
They say live for the moment
I say make your moment
If there’s no way out of your problems
Make a way
I don’t want to conform and follow
I want to be unique and lead
I don’t want the title of a Hero
Yet I want the satisfaction of doing good
I want to succeed for those who believe in me
I want to succeed to show those who don’t
I want to fill the void in the heart of another
Not with despair or love but with the knowledge of being loved
I want to go out and do these things
Yet it would mean doing the same thing I do everyday.
To take my downs and drag them up
I want to know my friends
Know how to help them be happy
There’s a desire to be successful
I want to have desires
I want to be known, not for money and fame
But known for being there
I need to care for things that matter
Yet nothing matters
People live for the world
I want the world to live for me
They say live for the moment
I say make your moment
If there’s no way out of your problems
Make a way
I don’t want to conform and follow
I want to be unique and lead
I don’t want the title of a Hero
Yet I want the satisfaction of doing good
I want to succeed for those who believe in me
I want to succeed to show those who don’t
I want to fill the void in the heart of another
Not with despair or love but with the knowledge of being loved
I want to go out and do these things
Yet it would mean doing the same thing I do everyday.
That’s the sort of person I am. The ones closest to me say I have issues and that I’m all messed up in the head. They say I’m a hermit and a pessimist and that I’m depressed. The ones closest to me are there because they saw the real me. The one that made them get close in the first place. They are there because I’m the sort of person that attracts friendship.
“Sis” gave me a few presents when I was leaving Dubai. One of them has this quote on it:
“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future and accepts you today the way you are”
The last part is really accurate. There are a few who I can say have really accepted my mood over the past year or two with the blink of an eye and have waited patiently through all my outbursts (even the ones directed at them) so that when I emerge from the valleys, I can rejoin them at the top of the mountains to once more smile down upon the kingdoms of our lives. Those friends of mine know who they are and let me say this
“My brothers and sisters. I’m coming back! Until that day, when we meet once again, guide me with your shining light as I navigate the perils of this valley. Once again, come to my aid as I drive BACK the forces of darkness”
How’s that for a speech?
“Sis” gave me a few presents when I was leaving Dubai. One of them has this quote on it:
“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future and accepts you today the way you are”
The last part is really accurate. There are a few who I can say have really accepted my mood over the past year or two with the blink of an eye and have waited patiently through all my outbursts (even the ones directed at them) so that when I emerge from the valleys, I can rejoin them at the top of the mountains to once more smile down upon the kingdoms of our lives. Those friends of mine know who they are and let me say this
“My brothers and sisters. I’m coming back! Until that day, when we meet once again, guide me with your shining light as I navigate the perils of this valley. Once again, come to my aid as I drive BACK the forces of darkness”
How’s that for a speech?
