August's Rambling

It’s certainly been an interesting month so far. Haven’t quite been my usual self. Instead, I took a turn for the worse and I guess friendships suffered because of that. However, things have picked up since then and things are working out fine for now.

An old friend found me on MSN and although there’s a gap between us, I’m enjoying the conversations. I can’t quite place my finger on what’s different but it’s a refreshing change and I welcome that. After all, monotony is never any fun.

My computer’s been giving me problems. Enough to earn me a spot on “Bundar’s” blog. However, I’m not going to worry about it at the moment. Just use it like normal and give it another go after a while.

It’s been interesting. I think my conversations with “Bundar” had slowly dwindled over the years but with the addition of “Sanni” to the picture, they’ve started up again. Of course, there seem to be some unresolved issues that I’m waiting for “Bundar” to bring up. He’s taking his time. I guess I must’ve forgotten to teach him how to speak up during his training sessions.

I went to an amusement park the other day. Had an awesome time mainly because of “Fartsie”. He really made the day memorable for a while. We didn’t take too many photos though so that’s a bummer.

I got to see “Artsie” and “Midas” together again and that’s always great. They might not understand but for me it’s a big deal just because I really cherish friendships that last and the fact that I can say I’ve known them for 13 years is something I’m proud of. It’s not often you know people as great as these two and just because of the fact that I’ve known them for so long, they’ll always be in my “Best Friends” category. So even if people think that my friendship with them isn’t THAT close, I don’t care because these two are special to me and the fact that they’re together makes it even better.

Normally, when someone goes on a sugar-high, they are hyper and energetic for a while which is followed by tiredness. I sort of had a similar experience earlier in the month. Small issues just nagged at me and I got irritated - which as many people can tell you, is not hard – and I just felt that I wanted to take some time out and stay to myself. Of course, that’s not that easy when you have so many people you need to talk to. So, a few people ended up getting the short straw and I guess I hurt them.

Still, I’m fine now and I suppose part of the duty of being a friend is accepting others for who they are and what their flaws are. It also means that you should admit when you’re wrong and make amends.

I don’t know about everyone, but I for one hate leaving issues unresolved. If I know there’s something that I could help out with, I’d want to go out and do that. Even if that issue rose 2 years ago and has pretty much faded.

You know, I don’t say it often enough to them but my parents have always been great. They might often think that I think that they are against me and in retaliation, I argue a lot with them. That could be true but when it boils down to it, I know that they’ve never done anything to hold me back or anything that was not in my best interest. I think there’s hardly been anyone that I’ve talked to who I haven’t told about my parents and how they raised us and how I think the rules they set down for us were the best ones. I even told a lot of my aunts that if the time ever comes that I’ll be raising children, I’ll be using several of the same rules that my parents enforced on us.

It just always felt like they were trying to let us do everything we wanted while letting us know what our cultural values were and where they expected us to draw the line. Everything else was left up to us. I don’t think there could be anything better than that. Extended freedom bounded by sensible rules.

When it comes down to it, I don’t think my parents made any sort of mistake while raising us. They did everything they were expected to do and from our side, we tried to respect and fulfil their expectations. There have been times where we strayed but that’s part of life.

Something that has been nagging me for a while is the fact that more than enough people have criticised my personality. I’m too stubborn and aggressive to everyone whether they are friends or family. What surprised me was that this complaint had stuck around after last year. I thought I had really improved as a person over the past year and that it would show up clearly. In Pakistan, I had a great time and I think I was a really enjoyable person to talk to. Not that I asked the people I was talking with, but I got that impression. Then at the end of it all, I’m told that yet again, I’m just not a pleasant sort of person.

Makes me think whether it’s just towards certain people or whether I’m like that to everyone.

The biggest complaint about my personality is that I’m too blunt. On one hand, some people like that but for the better half, people want me to not speak my mind and if I have to, then sugar-coat my words. That sounds like a horribly reasonable idea. The whole point of softening my words would be so that other people don’t get hurt and resent my words.

I guess that’s a good idea. Be considerate of others which I know I am in many ways. However, when it comes to saying something, I just feel that saying that an apple is an apple is the best way of describing it. Doesn’t leave any room for misunderstandings.

An interesting question that I was asked was whether I had any friends who were close enough to me to tell me that they thought that what I was doing was wrong or tell me that my personality was no good. I thought about it and I said I did have at least one. Turns out, I don’t. Well, unless I go ask that person first. Then again, how often do people go and ask to be criticised? I do have another friend who calls me on anything she believes I’m doing wrong but I don’t get to talk to her too often. That’s always a pity. Too bad I can’t call her every now and then.

I don’t know what I have against opening up. I guess I just don’t see where I’m not doing it. As in, I hardly ever feel like I’m not telling someone the whole story. So what else is there that they want to know that I forgot to mention?

I was asked twice how I was. The first time, I gave the usual answer, “I’m fine”. Second time around, I could tell the person wanted a longer answer. No duh?

Everyone wants to know?

I’m doing great. I really like how I’m living out my life at the moment and even though I have a few regrets that I would love to change, they are in the past and that’s that. I feel like everything I want, I have with me. Why else would I never ask for something from my parents? I like being able to do what I want and more than going out and getting things I may slightly want to have, I like the knowledge that I could buy what I want just like that.

Except for that mood swing, I’m happy most of the time and I can find the humour in almost every thing which is great because it keeps me laughing and that’s what I love the most. I love to laugh. I love to make others laugh. It’s my favourite thing. Whenever I talk to someone, I want to say the right things to make both of us laugh.

That’s where my classes come in. I think this could be an interesting semester. Perhaps one of my courses leaves much to be desired and there’s another that looks like it’ll be quite demanding but when it boils down to it. I like 80% of the professors. They are all fun and they are open to me raising my hand and making a wise-crack.

Nothing more pleasing than hearing the whole class laugh at what I said. Like today - My professor was putting up pictures of bad workplaces. Up comes a picture of a Chinese soldier sitting on a small stool and holding up a bi-pod pole at the top of which was a target. Apparently, it’s the shooting range for trainees. My instructor asks, “What’s wrong with this picture?” My hand shoots up! “The stool is too small. The soldier can’t sit down properly. Bad for his body”. Class guffaws, professor laughs heartily. I feel glad inside because I got what I wanted - Laughs. Comedian by nature. I’ll see if I can find that picture and put it up.

That’s pretty much all for now. I haven’t really written this whole-heartedly but felt that I should put one up. After all, I don’t want it to seem like my last thought was in August.

For my next piece, I want to talk about love. And no, don’t start jumping to conclusions. Certain friends of mine seem to believe they can get by without it. I just want to give them an idea of what they’d be missing out on. Not all guys are jerks and not all girls are annoying. Give them a chance.