Internal Strife

You know you really love someone when you do all that you can to stop yourself from lapsing into that side of your character which you don’t want the loved one to see, ever!

You can feel it rising up inside you and you know that it’s there at the surface. I know how it feels to hold that “evil” side back and keep it from showing. It normally happens when things aren’t going the way I want and I’m expected to accept it.

However, when it comes to love, I’ve seen so many people hold that side of them in. I can see it there beneath the surface. I can see that they feel like they want to erupt but they don’t.

They described it to me. There’s the feeling of rage building up inside you and you just want to fall into that sour mood. You want to shut everyone out of your life and you want to just mope and feel sorry for yourself. However, it’s a conflict because there’s this other feeling that keeps sweeping through you. It makes your rage get more intense because this feeling carries a sense of warmth with it which just gets irritating. Yet, this other feeling persists. It feels like a wave through your body and you realise that you need to keep the rage within where it’ll eventually become overwhelmed by this other feeling. It’s love. You don’t want to see your loved one get hurt so you drown out the rage.

Like I said, in my case, the rage starts when things aren’t going my way and I’m supposed to accept that. The rage builds on minor annoyances and you just feel like angry at everything. Examples would be pencil nibs breaking, being put on hold on the phone, people asking stupid questions, being asked to do things for other people when you’re busy yourself.

These are all minor things. You might get irritated but certainly not angry unless you have a really short fuse.

These people tell me that they feel better right after they let the love take over. They still want to burst but it’s under control and soon enough, it disappears.

I suppose this could be another aspect of “The Fiercest Battles Rage Within”. An entire conflict takes place and the world can be oblivious to it.

Are we too self-centred to notice others in agony? Are we too self-centred to realise that out own petty battles are irrational when we could be accomplishing so much more together? Are we fools to think that we can live without love?

These questions aren’t rhetoric. Answer them.