Buddy Or Bust?

***My Note***

I’ll leave you with another one that I came up with. It might be my last post while I’m away.

“Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence can break your heart.”

***End Note***

Is it just me or does the world get louder when I’m alone with you? Is it my ears straining to catch the slightest sound that could break this uncomfortable silence? Why is it that your company shares its traits with a thorny rose?

It was never supposed to be this hard. I would sit down with you and expect the hours to fly. Yet, with each passing minute, the expectation becomes deranged. I begin to wish that I be delivered from the agony you put me through. I want to be there with you but you make it so hard on me.

I could close my eyes and pretend you’re not there but that would deprive me of the only assurance that you are truly with me. Without the words to fill the void, my eyes can only plug the dam. Whether I look at you or at the clock, it appears my eyes alone are active for my tongue lays still.

I want to accept that I can’t expect the words to flow unstoppably. But it’s you. How can I accept that I cannot carry a conversation with you? You’re the person who I should be able to sit in front of and prattle on for hours.

Shall I accept the shame of quittance and leave you be? My hiatus away shall be my solace. I want to know that I’m not alone when it comes to us. It feels like I’m always chasing after you desperate for any pittance you can give me – even if it is just awkward silence.

I don’t understand where this shift of power came from. Gone is my world where no such problems existed. You snatched that away from me and left me shrouded in doubt. This is your show now and I have naught more than a minor role.

The solace will save me. I shall preserve the idea of you in my dreams. I’ve clearly stated my intentions previously. Buddy or beau, your happiness is the key. As long as I remain the obstacle, I refuse to bind you to me. With what minute power I have left, I plead to you – let me draw the final curtain and end this charade.

What we have is little more than a wisp of smoke that clouds my judgement. I wish I was still important but that’s untrue. You have your star cast so let me fade away while I still hold the spotlight.