Recent Thou... Complaints
In recognition of the lack of responses to the survey, I decided to take it as an overall “nay” simply because I’m a persistent pessimist as “Puff” calls me. I also realise that due to everyone being swept up in their own businesses, I would have been hard pressed to have found a better time to take the survey. So, I did proceed to stop and I even deleted my blog, but the stupid site didn’t disappear. So, I’m just going to keep posting what I write until I figure out how to properly delete it. So every published blog could be my last. However, don’t worry. It definitely won’t be as dumb as just saying “bla”.
There’s something that needs to be said. I’ve never considered myself a writer and I doubt I’ll get the honour of doing that. However, I do realise that people don’t always comprehend the works, as the writer would have wished. That leads to people taking the writer’s words more seriously than he or she would have liked, missing the point or not understanding the tone of the passage. Any of these leads to repercussions when the reader and the author meet face-to-face. So, if you think you’re so clever that you’re reading between the lines of what I’m saying, then there’s something that you’re missing. Read the lines! What I say is what I mean! There’s no hidden message. If you think that there has to be more to what I’m saying, then you’re overestimating my thinking. As some have said, I think deeply. Well, that might be true, but that doesn’t mean I’m thorough. More than for the readers, this blog is for me. My words mean so much more to me than they do to you. You can read it and get a half-baked idea of what I’m saying. I read it and I get indigestion from a delicious pie!
Another point that I would like to mention is that I do not consider myself the center of the universe. So, if you get the impression that I do seem to think that, let me remind you of a couple of simple facts. Since the blog is a creation of my thoughts and revolves around my thinking, it’s always going to be about me, myself and MINE! MINE! MINE! That being said, the person most important to me is surprisingly me, so the blogs will always be about that person.
Alright, so much to talk about. I’m actually working on this blog over a period of few days. There have been many different views regarding various topics that have been presented to me, so I’ve been adjusting my own perspectives. For the hopefuls, I would like to direct your attention to the word ‘adjusted’, which has been chosen over the word ‘changed’.
Let me start off with my previous rant of boredom. As I’ve mentioned in the tag-board, things have gotten a lot better since then. I was seemingly allocating my time properly (or should I say improperly) allowing my day to pass quickly without letting boredom become a factor. Also, I found a considerable joy in sitting with the people of the house and listening to them talk about different issues. Of course, they do tend to stray upon topics that I consider ‘boring’ every now and then. Also, since I never have anything to contribute to the conversation (not that I’ll be listened to, anyway), I find time to sort through my own thoughts. So, two to three hours a day can be chalked up to ‘family time’. I can now say that I’m completely up to date with all family happenings… I think. Also, it’s not that I didn’t enjoy the company of my family before. However, having 7 people around instead of 2 or 3 really helps in keeping the conversation light and jolly. When the number of people is smaller, the conversations always revolve around the same things leading to monotony. Lucky seven provides the relief.
On Thursday, my uncle and I were alone in the house for almost an hour. Since we were having lunch, I tried to initiate some conversation, which I felt went fairly well. For the first time after a long time, someone actually asked for my opinion. That certainly felt weird and I wasn’t going to let the opportunity slip.
Later on in the day, it was father son night. My father wanted to watch a movie with me so off we went. Besides the movie, we had supper as well. In the following 4 hours, we probably spent 2 hours talking. The conversation was quite pleasant and smooth. I’ve become accustomed to forcing myself to talk to people. However, like with a select few people, I didn’t need to do that today.
“Hyper Dude” has brought it to my attention that I used to complain about typing on laptops. That is true. I hate the small keyboards because for a person with fingers as long as mine, it’s easy for cramps to settle in. However, there’s no denying the fact that the softness of the keys and the sound they make when someone types really quickly comes under the category of one of those smaller pleasures of life that have no viable reason.
Times certainly have changed. “Hyper Dude” actually told me not to exaggerate! True, I was guilty of exaggerating but I was describing a situation that satisfied my description on several occasions.
To elaborate on the ‘boring topics’ I mentioned before, it’s no secret. They are Politics and Law. Now, my lack of caring for politics will shock some and ‘inspire’ them to take it upon themselves to explain to me why it is so important that I care about what happens to my country. Well, I do care whether my homeland sinks to sleep with the fishies or swims with the dolphins. However, I don’t want to know about all the nitty-gritty details of how it’s done. I want to see the results. Many will pick on my not wanting to know the details. Well, I can’t say that it’s too interesting knowing how the Prime Minister met with Mr. Blah of Blahistan and then proceed to watch a few pictures of them sitting together. At the end of the slideshow, the newscaster tells me that the meeting was considered a success and both countries have agreed to strengthen their ties. Thank you, you’re dismissed. I’ll be the judge of that. The other day, I decided to sit down and watch the two hour long swearing-in of the new Indian government. I saw 3 scores of ministers walk up to the podium, wait for the president to say “I” (pronounced like “Aieen” in his nasally voice), and then spew out a whole bunch of words which half of them couldn’t even pronounce much less (and I’m sure about this) understand. Some were smart enough to give their pledge in Hindi. All I can say is “Good luck to India”. “Jai Hind” and all that. I have a much simpler approach to politics so all the tact and diplomacy that is employed by politicians is wasted on me.
Ok, it’s quite possible what I say next will show that I have no inkling of what Politics are about. I have a grudge against what is considered ‘Democracy’. As I understood it, democracy is about letting the people choose. What if I don’t like any of the candidates? Why am I forced to choose one of them? It’s like choosing the lesser of two evils. I have the freedom to choose as long as I’m restricted to the candidates. Recently, it was brought to my attention that there is a “None of The Above” option. How about an “Other” option? Then, I could put down the name of the person I think should be president. Let’s consider this from the point of view of the person I voted for. What if I put his or her name down but he or she is not interested in running? Well, since it’s a Democracy, he or she is free to choose not to acknowledge the votes. So, I think Sonia Gandhi’s actions were perfectly acceptable. So what if she doesn’t want to become the Prime Minister. It’s her right. Listening to those considered authorities on the subject, they say that Democracy is where we’re given the right to choose but in a controlled manner. They lay out the options in front of us, and we pick one. I’m not interested in listening to some fuddy-duddy who is considered the foremost expert! They have their family for that. Well, even the family isn’t interested but it’s their duty to feign interest.
Now let’s talk about law. It’s a good way of controlling the ‘evil’ urges of humans. It’s also the way that people define good and bad. That has its advantages and disadvantages. So, with all the good that law does us, does it become any more interesting to me? No. Yes yes, stealing is bad, killing is worse, adultery is not really illegal but if you’re the president, you’ll be in a pickle. However, that’s not where law bores me. When it’s time for trials, courts and juries, the red tape makes even the simple proceedings drag on. Any book or movie that revolves around law just bores me to tears. If they made a movie about the trials of Bill Clinton, I would die! Politics and Law all mashed up into one movie.
Took a break while I was talking about law to go have supper with some guests. A pretty funny scene played itself out in front of my eyes. Some controversial debate was going on and when no one was satisfied with the last say, they almost automatically paired off to argue. So for a minute, I stood there laughing, while the rest bickered until the ‘weaker’ one broke.
Some consider my lack of interest in Politics and Law as a sign of my being immature. Well, that’s their opinion, which automatically means that I ignore it. I would hardly consider it logical that they decide what’s mature and what’s not and then apply it to me. As I stand currently, if politics and law and considered interesting by the ‘mature’, then I’m not going to grow up for a long time.
Just as bad as “Democracy” is American Idol. I have thankfully never seen a single episode of it but apparently the idol is chosen upon how well he or she can sing. So that’s all it takes to become an idol in America. Singing. Another stupid thing about the show is how they turn away so many people without letting them audition. Since they only have the time to listen to a few of the thousands, they are definitely missing out on a large percentage of the population who might be more talented than the ones they did admit. Idiots! The name is so fitting. American Idol. The worshipped king (or queen) of idiots.
Many of those who have read my blogs have said that I’ve become increasingly hostile towards everyone, friends and family alike. Well, my friends can consider that a good thing. It means that they’re just as close to me as my family. Yeesh! Why can’t you guys look at the bright side?
Yes, I’ve become hostile and yes, I still feel like lashing out at a few people every now and then. So if my voice sounds bitter and I seem to be trying to walk off, call me rude or whatever but I think I’m doing the right thing. At least I’m not losing my temper and shouting at you. I’ve been given a few lectures on how I should be more courteous to the adults and treat them with more respect. Well, pardon me for not being level-headed enough to sit and listen to people criticise everything about my life without snapping at them once or twice or saying that I’ve heard enough and leaving. Consider the alternative, I sit and listen to the criticism and continue to lose my temper. Eventually, when it’s time for me to speak, my anger’s going to burst forth and I’m going to let courtesy give me a gentle tap only every so often. So I won’t go overboard and yell until everyone stares but I won’t let courtesy stop me from making my point. Those people will tell me that they aren’t criticising me but are trying to help me understand by telling me what’s best for me. Well, ultimately I’m the one who decides to what is best for me. If instead of giving me gentle guidance, you’re just subtly telling me that everything my life is based upon is completely ridiculous, it’s going to be hard for me to realise you’re ‘trying to help’ and will just end up ignoring you all the more.
A few people will say that I’m not doing the right thing. I don’t have the patience of an ox anymore. Patience of an ass, perhaps. Same thing? Perhaps not. Because as an ass, I now behave like one too (not the dumb ass, the obnoxious type). If I’m waiting for something, I can spend hours and hours. However, I have no patience with idiots and in arguments in which the other keeps going on and on and on (Yes, I see how I fit that bill… both bills actually).
Basically, others have increasingly hated the person that I’ve been content to be for the past couple of years. Things worsened once I started the blog. Before, I would keep all thoughts no matter how minor in my mind. There would be no sharing or opening up. It worked for I gave out the air of being an innocent kid who’s only aim thus far has been to study. It was the person that people wanted me to be. After all, there would be plenty of time afterwards for me to explore the mind and spend time thinking. So, was I content being that person that I was expected to be? I never thought about that. I answered that instinctively. I was well aware when I posted my first blog that I was now doing what I had restrained from doing for the past few years. I was also letting others realise that they didn’t really know who I was. How many people would expect me to think like that? Even the friends I made just before I started blogging probably did not know that my thoughts and my actions were hardly ever linked. How I behaved was completely different from how I thought.
As a typical person, I believe that I can do wonders. That I can do what I put my mind to. That I can go above and beyond the expectations of others. However, like the typical person, I come up with excuses as to why I can’t get around to doing them. Most of the time, my reason is because the risk (whether physical, mental or financial) is too high. That’s what separates the doers from the sayers. I have the ambition but I’m not driven enough to put aside my fears and act upon them. If fear is what holds me back, then I need to rethink my goals. My first goal needs to be overcoming that fear. Again, my ambition tells me that I can overcome my fears with a snap of my fingers. Now it’s just a matter of finding the motivation and reasoning for me to snap my fingers.
How do people come to the conclusion that I’m weird? That I’m playing two cards short of a deck? That I… forget it, you get the point. It’s because they have a predetermined conclusion of what a normal person should be like and I don’t fit that bill. So, am I supposed to be what others expect of me? My answer is no. A person who lives restricted by limitations doesn’t become the person that he or she was destined to be. Well, they might have been destined to be the restricted person. Well, given the chance of being me or being a diluted version of me, I would choose being me, hence the temporary nickname of “Simply Me”.
I just watched the whole video of Hoobastank – The Reason. I like the song itself and felt it was so appropriate for the video. That was my impression before I saw the whole video. Then, I was just taken back. The words were so full of meaning but the video became shallow and petty. My whole concept of music is based on it being sound only. Videos so often take away from the song. Another example would be Blink 182 – I Miss You. The whole Goth theme of the video just made the song seem out of place. Music can enhance a video so much as could be told from the Highlights video that we ‘Nutters compiled. When I hear music, it’s something I can relate to. For me, my eyes play second fiddle to my ears. As grateful as I am to have all senses, there’s so much more that I wish I could do related to hearing. To pick up more sounds that are almost inaudible. To hear more than a cell phone vibrating in someone’s pocket. There’s more to life than hearing my roommate’s ankles cracking while he walks, a car pulling up into the driveway or “Banana Man”’s farts. When I’m thinking, my eyes are idly staring while my mind’s making up its own images.
One of the wonders of children is that they are so sensitive to their surroundings. I remember reading a small article once that said that kids sleeping in the car can tell when the car pulls up into their home’s driveway. I’m sure that we’ve all been through that. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been very alert and always watching out for what’s going on around me. Apparently, I became more sensitive than others did. I used to wake up when we turned in on the road that I lived on. Now, I don’t sleep while I travel because I want to be sure that I know where I am and how long is left before I arrive at my destination. Even though I’ve aged, I’ve become even more alert, seemingly. I don’t even need to be in the car to know when it’s pulling up to the driveway. No matter where I am in the house, I can tell the second that a car is just about to pull up in our driveway. So I’m alert. However, in the attempt to notice that what others miss, I often ignore the glaringly obvious. I remember that as a child, I was working on a poem for school about observations. It started off with:
I see while others look
Listen while others hear
Feel while others touch
I gave up on that because it was about me and back then, I was against talking about myself. Contrary to now, where most of my conversations are about me, I’ve got a whole site devoted to me, and I always present myself as an example when others tell me about their woes. In fact, one of my best friendships is based on analysing me. If not for that, there wouldn’t be much to say otherwise. Surprisingly, when I talk to this person on the phone or face to face, we can find so many other things to talk about.
Speaking of woes. My biggest woe lies with watching Indian movies. I just can’t stand the amount of sappiness in them. They seem to cry over everything except spilt milk. Well, they have so many cows there, they can easily get more, so it wouldn’t make sense if they did cry over spilt milk anyway. I watched a few recently and every time they cried and played on the audience’s emotions, I got more and more disgusted and the lower the movie scored with me. Sappiness is something that I loathe and sappiness is what Indian movies are synonymous with. Sure, a few of them have been pretty good until the crying began. After that, I get more and more annoyed and it’s only my resolve not to leave anything unfinished that I complete the movie.
Ok, it’s 4:15 AM now. My uncle’s going to get up in 15 minutes to use this computer to work on some stuff for his office. So, I doubt I’m going to get the computer again until later in the day. Anyhow, I’ve been sleeping at 3 AM for the past few days so right now, I’m running behind schedule.
Back again for the continuation. My sleep habits have changed so much. It seems that my body needs around 9 hours of sleep a day. After that, I have to get out of bed. However, I also wake up regularly after 1, 5 and 7 hours of sleep. I can get out of bed and pass the remainder of my day without traces of tiredness. Also, I sleep so lightly that sounds in the house (like the television blaring, doors closing or even the click of a switch being flipped) or sounds outside (like birds chirping or horns sounding) will cause me to stir and open my eyes for a while. It takes me an hour to fall asleep anyway. Once I lie down, I don’t have anything to do. That turns my attention to my mind, which suddenly becomes alive with so many different thoughts. I spend the hour trying to shut down my mind while making notes of the good points that my mind comes across. I realised that I didn’t need to switch off my mind. If I directed the flow of thoughts towards a fantasy-like story, my brain would allow the dream module to continue the story. As “The Lone Ranger” laughingly put it ‘so delicately’, “You can’t fall asleep easily because you think too much.”
I remember reading that a person falls into a deep slumber an hour or two after he or she goes to sleep. It is then that R.E.M. (Random Eye Movement) occurs. Dreams normally occur during this time. I don’t normally have dreams but when I do, they seem to be so action packed! “Artsie” can relate to this. It is recommended that people take a few minutes in the morning to think about their dreams. Well, since my sleep is so intermittent, I can only vaguely remember the last dream I had.
One weird thing that happened to me while I was in Canada was dream-control. While I would be dreaming, I would think that I didn’t like a certain aspect of the dream and that would change as I wished. So, my dream would proceed exactly how I would want it to. In fact, I reached the point that if I started to lose control of my dream, I could wake myself up. Just like a nightmare wakes people up, I wake up when my dream starts to get rebellious. I’m like a dictator. Do what I tell you or I’ll cut you off!
Being able to put yourself in another’s place and see things from their point of view is one of the signs of a good debater. I don’t know how well I do that, but I do always try to consider how the other will respond to what I say. My lack of interest in conversation with people would often boil down to my knowing exactly how they would respond. So, if I wanted to talk to someone about something, I could carry out the whole conversation in my head as easily as actually conversing with that person. I don’t need to get to know a person well. I just like to know the person. It helps me understand how to talk to him or her. My whole style of conversation is based on predictions. I don’t like to be taken by surprise while talking to someone. It is not like the conversation is a competition but I still want to be sure that I can argue any point I make. Even while I type this, I can imagine “Puff” having something to say about quite a few things in this blog. The prediction part comes into play now. Since she’s having examinations currently, she won’t have time to talk to me properly. Also, for a large part of our friendship, we’ve used the Internet to talk to each other. Nowadays, I don’t use the Internet for communications at all. Since we’re in the same country right now, we might as well talk to each other on the phone. So what are my predictions? I predict that I won’t be talking to her for a while since she’s got examinations. Also, over the phone, the conversation won’t really turn to debating about my blogs. Now here’s the kicker. Once she reads my blog, the probability of me being wrong will increase dramatically. Now that I’ve said this, the chances go down again. It’ll keep going like this.
It has been said that I don’t have tact. I don’t know how to cushion my statements. Well, that’s fine. In my opinion, there are quite a few advantages to that. Stating myself bluntly does tend to avoid miscomprehension. So, when I criticise, I don’t soften the blow. I just say it as it is. That’s why I’ve begun to come off as so harsh.
Since I’ve come here, I’ve seen three movies. The Punisher, Troy and The Day After Tomorrow. Let me try my hand at being a short critic for a while.
I found The Punisher to be rather crappy. When “Hyper Dude” said that he thought the movie was great, I just passed off his comment because his movie tastes really clash with mine. However, “Artsie” said that he liked it and ever since watching “Secret Window”, I felt that perhaps “Artsie”’s movie taste was similar to mine. Armed with that assumption, I went to watch the movie. Sadly, it was pathetic!
Troy was a good movie. I really liked it. I read a few reviews that said that Brad Pitt’s acting left much to be desired. However, the whole movie seemed to be played out so well. I didn’t particularly like Orlando Bloom’s part since he was playing the role of a sniveling idiot. Eric Bana did an amazing job. Overall, I give the movie a 9/10. There was just something about the THIGH-pumping action, the drama and of course, the ever interesting Greek mythology that really appealed to me.
The Day After Tomorrow was a movie that I surprisingly liked more than I would have expected. I didn’t expect a whole lot from it. Thought it would be a movie about the world going kaput. I was partly right. The effects of the movie were amazing. I was so impressed that it fuelled my inner desire of becoming a special effects graphics designer. The sub-plot of the movie was about a father trying to get to his son. What a coincidence! I go to see a movie of my choosing with my father and the underlying message of the movie is about the strength of the father-son bond.
During my last month in Toronto, I spent quite some time shooting and editing a few clips that “Banana Man”, “Artsie” and I shot. It was a lot of fun shooting the clips and just as much fun editing them and seeing what I could produce. Though the editing I did was only the tip of the iceberg, it was enough to start me off on considering the above-mentioned career. I intended on spending my summer working on those clips a lot more, but I don’t have the resources to do that properly. Besides the editing, I also wanted to come up with ideas for the script and find out my limits.
I mentioned before that I would often not go ahead with what I wished out of fear of risk. A problem we faced with our filming was not having the physical prowess to properly perform any stunts. I thought I could do kip-ups but it turned out that I could only perform a bone-cracking crank-up. I’ve worked on that and I can kip-up now. However, there are so many things that I would like to do but don’t think I should try them. Some of them could involve a nasty landing on my neck. Anyhow, I’ve worked up the nerve to go ahead with the stunts. Now it’s just a matter of finding out whether I can do them and if the mattress I selected is going to work properly. Oh, before I forget… “Banana Man”, when we meet up again next year, remind me to demonstrate a scissors-kick takedown move that I saw on the telly.
Besides the stunts, I’m still going ahead with bench-presses. I’ve finally started benching more than my own weight. I’m also trying to increase my stamina. “Midas” said that she could jog for 45 minutes or so. I remember that I used to be able to run at top-speed (which wasn’t all that high) for long periods of time. I probably can’t do that anymore. Now I can run faster but not for too long. So, I’m currently jogging at speeds of 2.5 m/s (twice the walking speed for an average person) for 1.5 km. That does take quite a lot out of me. I’m hoping to be able to at least double this distance by the end of the summer and triple it by next year. However, the jogging does help me tone the THIGHS.
Recently, it’s felt like I just can’t stretch enough. I’m stretching all the time but I still don’t feel good. If only I had one of those torture racks. I could just strap myself in and stretch myself vertically. Adding a few inches to my height won’t hurt either. If only…
I’ve been reading The Count Of Monte Cristo lately. Alexandre Dumas’ style of writing is certainly catching. While reading, I just thought of “Not two suns had gone…” It’s my alteration of his way of writing. Interesting? I think not!
In an episode of Dexter’s Laboratory, he and his sister drank all of the coffee in the house. Without the coffee, the parents were hopeless and couldn’t get their day started. In the same way, a tea ritual is performed three times a day in this household. In the morning, everyone (except me) in the house needs a cup of tea. This ceremony is repeated twice more in the evening and at night. It’s almost like an addiction. They need their tea. I wonder what would happen if they didn’t have tea for a whole day.
New Zealand followed by Australia, Africa and Switzerland would top a list of the places that I would love to visit. I have no desire to see the industrialised countries. I want to see the prairie lands of Auckland, the Outback of Australia, the wilderness of Africa and the Alps of Switzerland. I would even consider working at the sets of Xena or Hercules seeing how they are filmed in the most beautiful and remote parts of New Zealand.
There’s one last topic left on my list. It’s the one that’s caused the most commotion. Girls. I’ll address that tomorrow.
Ok, first things first. I’ve never had a girlfriend. So for all those people who have kept asking me, believe me! (“Teachers, help me!”). I’m not going to get a girlfriend anytime soon, either. It’s not the time. Yes, I’ve given a lot of thought to relationships and what they could mean. However, I don’t picture myself in one at this point of time. In the beginning, it was just another one of my usual topics. However, since so many people have asked me about it, I now think that I’m making too big of a deal. There’s nothing special about relationships. Everything I’ve said about girls before still stands. Some people have suggested that perhaps my mind was ‘distracted’ while I was in Canada. Well, perhaps it was waterlogged.
When I’m walking in public and I see girls walking by, I don’t think about whether they think I’m good-looking or not. That doesn’t really matter to me. If I can’t be bothered to make myself good, I can’t expect myself to look good nonetheless. When they walk by, I just register the fact that they are girls but I don’t go beyond that fact. As far as I’m concerned right now, girls are girls. Yes, it so happens that for the past couple of years, I’ve made quite a few female friends. However, that’s just because I realised that it was just dumb to restrict myself to guy friends only.
To talk about ‘love’, I have no concept of it right now. I don’t know how it feels. No one can ask me whether I think if a guy and girl are in love. I don’t know. I do know for sure that a guy and girl can be really good friends and not be romantically attached. I know that personally and so do many of my friends. Yes, the possibility always exists that prolonged exposure to each other (Welcome to Disc-l-overy Channel) can lead to romantic feelings. Too many people think that it’s a 100% probability.
When something about a friend bothers me, I won’t hesitate to tell him or her that I have a problem with him or her. Long ago, I established that my idea of friendship is a lot different than the ideas of others. Friends shouldn’t hold back. So, if there’s something bugging one, he or she should tell the other.
A while back, a friend was upset that I didn’t confide in him. Well, I don’t go around asking everyone for solutions to my problem. I just go straight to the person who I feel will be able to provide me with the best solution. The upset friend said he knew me well and could tell that my problem had to do with girls. He continued on to tell me that I could trust him and gave me reasons. He said that he doesn’t tell me everything but he tells me everything important (or something like that). He said that I might not have gone to him because I didn’t think he could help me with a problem about girls. He goes on to say that he’s had a relationship before. I just couldn’t help laughing. Firstly, he was so adamant that my problem was related to girls. Secondly, even if he had had a relationship (singular), did that make him the best person for me to approach? The third reason was the one that my darker side came up with. I say darker because if I used it properly in the conversation, I could have rained ‘ell fire and brimstone down on him! He never told me about his relationship but when he felt that it could help his chances, he throws it out like it was an ace up his short sleeve. Kind of trying to use a trump card in the friendship game. I believe that was the time when he got upset that I couldn’t keep humour out of anything and I mentioned in the very next edition of my blog that a situation without humour is just not worth experiencing.
People in the house have begun waking up. When people are awake nearby, they disrupt my thinking and I can’t keep blogging. So I’ll stop for tonight too.
Meh, turns out that I’ve written all I wanted to say. It’s only 10 pages long.
There’s something that needs to be said. I’ve never considered myself a writer and I doubt I’ll get the honour of doing that. However, I do realise that people don’t always comprehend the works, as the writer would have wished. That leads to people taking the writer’s words more seriously than he or she would have liked, missing the point or not understanding the tone of the passage. Any of these leads to repercussions when the reader and the author meet face-to-face. So, if you think you’re so clever that you’re reading between the lines of what I’m saying, then there’s something that you’re missing. Read the lines! What I say is what I mean! There’s no hidden message. If you think that there has to be more to what I’m saying, then you’re overestimating my thinking. As some have said, I think deeply. Well, that might be true, but that doesn’t mean I’m thorough. More than for the readers, this blog is for me. My words mean so much more to me than they do to you. You can read it and get a half-baked idea of what I’m saying. I read it and I get indigestion from a delicious pie!
Another point that I would like to mention is that I do not consider myself the center of the universe. So, if you get the impression that I do seem to think that, let me remind you of a couple of simple facts. Since the blog is a creation of my thoughts and revolves around my thinking, it’s always going to be about me, myself and MINE! MINE! MINE! That being said, the person most important to me is surprisingly
Alright, so much to talk about. I’m actually working on this blog over a period of few days. There have been many different views regarding various topics that have been presented to me, so I’ve been adjusting my own perspectives. For the hopefuls, I would like to direct your attention to the word ‘adjusted’, which has been chosen over the word ‘changed’.
Let me start off with my previous rant of boredom. As I’ve mentioned in the tag-board, things have gotten a lot better since then. I was seemingly allocating my time properly (or should I say improperly) allowing my day to pass quickly without letting boredom become a factor. Also, I found a considerable joy in sitting with the people of the house and listening to them talk about different issues. Of course, they do tend to stray upon topics that I consider ‘boring’ every now and then. Also, since I never have anything to contribute to the conversation (not that I’ll be listened to, anyway), I find time to sort through my own thoughts. So, two to three hours a day can be chalked up to ‘family time’. I can now say that I’m completely up to date with all family happenings… I think. Also, it’s not that I didn’t enjoy the company of my family before. However, having 7 people around instead of 2 or 3 really helps in keeping the conversation light and jolly. When the number of people is smaller, the conversations always revolve around the same things leading to monotony. Lucky seven provides the relief.
On Thursday, my uncle and I were alone in the house for almost an hour. Since we were having lunch, I tried to initiate some conversation, which I felt went fairly well. For the first time after a long time, someone actually asked for my opinion. That certainly felt weird and I wasn’t going to let the opportunity slip.
Later on in the day, it was father son night. My father wanted to watch a movie with me so off we went. Besides the movie, we had supper as well. In the following 4 hours, we probably spent 2 hours talking. The conversation was quite pleasant and smooth. I’ve become accustomed to forcing myself to talk to people. However, like with a select few people, I didn’t need to do that today.
“Hyper Dude” has brought it to my attention that I used to complain about typing on laptops. That is true. I hate the small keyboards because for a person with fingers as long as mine, it’s easy for cramps to settle in. However, there’s no denying the fact that the softness of the keys and the sound they make when someone types really quickly comes under the category of one of those smaller pleasures of life that have no viable reason.
Times certainly have changed. “Hyper Dude” actually told me not to exaggerate! True, I was guilty of exaggerating but I was describing a situation that satisfied my description on several occasions.
To elaborate on the ‘boring topics’ I mentioned before, it’s no secret. They are
Ok, it’s quite possible what I say next will show that I have no inkling of what Politics are about. I have a grudge against what is considered ‘Democracy’. As I understood it, democracy is about letting the people choose. What if I don’t like any of the candidates? Why am I forced to choose one of them? It’s like choosing the lesser of two evils. I have the freedom to choose as long as I’m restricted to the candidates. Recently, it was brought to my attention that there is a “None of The Above” option. How about an “Other” option? Then, I could put down the name of the person I think should be president. Let’s consider this from the point of view of the person I voted for. What if I put his or her name down but he or she is not interested in running? Well, since it’s a Democracy, he or she is free to choose not to acknowledge the votes. So, I think Sonia Gandhi’s actions were perfectly acceptable. So what if she doesn’t want to become the Prime Minister. It’s her right. Listening to those considered authorities on the subject, they say that Democracy is where we’re given the right to choose but in a controlled manner. They lay out the options in front of us, and we pick one. I’m not interested in listening to some fuddy-duddy who is considered the foremost expert! They have their family for that. Well, even the family isn’t interested but it’s their duty to feign interest.
Now let’s talk about law. It’s a good way of controlling the ‘evil’ urges of humans. It’s also the way that people define good and bad. That has its advantages and disadvantages. So, with all the good that law does us, does it become any more interesting to me? No. Yes yes, stealing is bad, killing is worse, adultery is not really illegal but if you’re the president, you’ll be in a pickle. However, that’s not where law bores me. When it’s time for trials, courts and juries, the red tape makes even the simple proceedings drag on. Any book or movie that revolves around law just bores me to tears. If they made a movie about the trials of Bill Clinton, I would die! Politics and Law all mashed up into one movie.
Took a break while I was talking about law to go have supper with some guests. A pretty funny scene played itself out in front of my eyes. Some controversial debate was going on and when no one was satisfied with the last say, they almost automatically paired off to argue. So for a minute, I stood there laughing, while the rest bickered until the ‘weaker’ one broke.
Some consider my lack of interest in Politics and Law as a sign of my being immature. Well, that’s their opinion, which automatically means that I ignore it. I would hardly consider it logical that they decide what’s mature and what’s not and then apply it to me. As I stand currently, if politics and law and considered interesting by the ‘mature’, then I’m not going to grow up for a long time.
Just as bad as “Democracy” is American Idol. I have thankfully never seen a single episode of it but apparently the idol is chosen upon how well he or she can sing. So that’s all it takes to become an idol in America. Singing. Another stupid thing about the show is how they turn away so many people without letting them audition. Since they only have the time to listen to a few of the thousands, they are definitely missing out on a large percentage of the population who might be more talented than the ones they did admit. Idiots! The name is so fitting. American Idol. The worshipped king (or queen) of idiots.
Many of those who have read my blogs have said that I’ve become increasingly hostile towards everyone, friends and family alike. Well, my friends can consider that a good thing. It means that they’re just as close to me as my family. Yeesh! Why can’t you guys look at the bright side?
Yes, I’ve become hostile and yes, I still feel like lashing out at a few people every now and then. So if my voice sounds bitter and I seem to be trying to walk off, call me rude or whatever but I think I’m doing the right thing. At least I’m not losing my temper and shouting at you. I’ve been given a few lectures on how I should be more courteous to the adults and treat them with more respect. Well, pardon me for not being level-headed enough to sit and listen to people criticise everything about my life without snapping at them once or twice or saying that I’ve heard enough and leaving. Consider the alternative, I sit and listen to the criticism and continue to lose my temper. Eventually, when it’s time for me to speak, my anger’s going to burst forth and I’m going to let courtesy give me a gentle tap only every so often. So I won’t go overboard and yell until everyone stares but I won’t let courtesy stop me from making my point. Those people will tell me that they aren’t criticising me but are trying to help me understand by telling me what’s best for me. Well, ultimately I’m the one who decides to what is best for me. If instead of giving me gentle guidance, you’re just subtly telling me that everything my life is based upon is completely ridiculous, it’s going to be hard for me to realise you’re ‘trying to help’ and will just end up ignoring you all the more.
A few people will say that I’m not doing the right thing. I don’t have the patience of an ox anymore. Patience of an ass, perhaps. Same thing? Perhaps not. Because as an ass, I now behave like one too (not the dumb ass, the obnoxious type). If I’m waiting for something, I can spend hours and hours. However, I have no patience with idiots and in arguments in which the other keeps going on and on and on (Yes, I see how I fit that bill… both bills actually).
Basically, others have increasingly hated the person that I’ve been content to be for the past couple of years. Things worsened once I started the blog. Before, I would keep all thoughts no matter how minor in my mind. There would be no sharing or opening up. It worked for I gave out the air of being an innocent kid who’s only aim thus far has been to study. It was the person that people wanted me to be. After all, there would be plenty of time afterwards for me to explore the mind and spend time thinking. So, was I content being that person that I was expected to be? I never thought about that. I answered that instinctively. I was well aware when I posted my first blog that I was now doing what I had restrained from doing for the past few years. I was also letting others realise that they didn’t really know who I was. How many people would expect me to think like that? Even the friends I made just before I started blogging probably did not know that my thoughts and my actions were hardly ever linked. How I behaved was completely different from how I thought.
As a typical person, I believe that I can do wonders. That I can do what I put my mind to. That I can go above and beyond the expectations of others. However, like the typical person, I come up with excuses as to why I can’t get around to doing them. Most of the time, my reason is because the risk (whether physical, mental or financial) is too high. That’s what separates the doers from the sayers. I have the ambition but I’m not driven enough to put aside my fears and act upon them. If fear is what holds me back, then I need to rethink my goals. My first goal needs to be overcoming that fear. Again, my ambition tells me that I can overcome my fears with a snap of my fingers. Now it’s just a matter of finding the motivation and reasoning for me to snap my fingers.
How do people come to the conclusion that I’m weird? That I’m playing two cards short of a deck? That I… forget it, you get the point. It’s because they have a predetermined conclusion of what a normal person should be like and I don’t fit that bill. So, am I supposed to be what others expect of me? My answer is no. A person who lives restricted by limitations doesn’t become the person that he or she was destined to be. Well, they might have been destined to be the restricted person. Well, given the chance of being me or being a diluted version of me, I would choose being me, hence the temporary nickname of “Simply Me”.
I just watched the whole video of Hoobastank – The Reason. I like the song itself and felt it was so appropriate for the video. That was my impression before I saw the whole video. Then, I was just taken back. The words were so full of meaning but the video became shallow and petty. My whole concept of music is based on it being sound only. Videos so often take away from the song. Another example would be Blink 182 – I Miss You. The whole Goth theme of the video just made the song seem out of place. Music can enhance a video so much as could be told from the Highlights video that we ‘Nutters compiled. When I hear music, it’s something I can relate to. For me, my eyes play second fiddle to my ears. As grateful as I am to have all senses, there’s so much more that I wish I could do related to hearing. To pick up more sounds that are almost inaudible. To hear more than a cell phone vibrating in someone’s pocket. There’s more to life than hearing my roommate’s ankles cracking while he walks, a car pulling up into the driveway or “Banana Man”’s farts. When I’m thinking, my eyes are idly staring while my mind’s making up its own images.
One of the wonders of children is that they are so sensitive to their surroundings. I remember reading a small article once that said that kids sleeping in the car can tell when the car pulls up into their home’s driveway. I’m sure that we’ve all been through that. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been very alert and always watching out for what’s going on around me. Apparently, I became more sensitive than others did. I used to wake up when we turned in on the road that I lived on. Now, I don’t sleep while I travel because I want to be sure that I know where I am and how long is left before I arrive at my destination. Even though I’ve aged, I’ve become even more alert, seemingly. I don’t even need to be in the car to know when it’s pulling up to the driveway. No matter where I am in the house, I can tell the second that a car is just about to pull up in our driveway. So I’m alert. However, in the attempt to notice that what others miss, I often ignore the glaringly obvious. I remember that as a child, I was working on a poem for school about observations. It started off with:
I see while others look
Listen while others hear
Feel while others touch
I gave up on that because it was about me and back then, I was against talking about myself. Contrary to now, where most of my conversations are about me, I’ve got a whole site devoted to me, and I always present myself as an example when others tell me about their woes. In fact, one of my best friendships is based on analysing me. If not for that, there wouldn’t be much to say otherwise. Surprisingly, when I talk to this person on the phone or face to face, we can find so many other things to talk about.
Speaking of woes. My biggest woe lies with watching Indian movies. I just can’t stand the amount of sappiness in them. They seem to cry over everything except spilt milk. Well, they have so many cows there, they can easily get more, so it wouldn’t make sense if they did cry over spilt milk anyway. I watched a few recently and every time they cried and played on the audience’s emotions, I got more and more disgusted and the lower the movie scored with me. Sappiness is something that I loathe and sappiness is what Indian movies are synonymous with. Sure, a few of them have been pretty good until the crying began. After that, I get more and more annoyed and it’s only my resolve not to leave anything unfinished that I complete the movie.
Ok, it’s 4:15 AM now. My uncle’s going to get up in 15 minutes to use this computer to work on some stuff for his office. So, I doubt I’m going to get the computer again until later in the day. Anyhow, I’ve been sleeping at 3 AM for the past few days so right now, I’m running behind schedule.
Back again for the continuation. My sleep habits have changed so much. It seems that my body needs around 9 hours of sleep a day. After that, I have to get out of bed. However, I also wake up regularly after 1, 5 and 7 hours of sleep. I can get out of bed and pass the remainder of my day without traces of tiredness. Also, I sleep so lightly that sounds in the house (like the television blaring, doors closing or even the click of a switch being flipped) or sounds outside (like birds chirping or horns sounding) will cause me to stir and open my eyes for a while. It takes me an hour to fall asleep anyway. Once I lie down, I don’t have anything to do. That turns my attention to my mind, which suddenly becomes alive with so many different thoughts. I spend the hour trying to shut down my mind while making notes of the good points that my mind comes across. I realised that I didn’t need to switch off my mind. If I directed the flow of thoughts towards a fantasy-like story, my brain would allow the dream module to continue the story. As “The Lone Ranger” laughingly put it ‘so delicately’, “You can’t fall asleep easily because you think too much.”
I remember reading that a person falls into a deep slumber an hour or two after he or she goes to sleep. It is then that R.E.M. (Random Eye Movement) occurs. Dreams normally occur during this time. I don’t normally have dreams but when I do, they seem to be so action packed! “Artsie” can relate to this. It is recommended that people take a few minutes in the morning to think about their dreams. Well, since my sleep is so intermittent, I can only vaguely remember the last dream I had.
One weird thing that happened to me while I was in Canada was dream-control. While I would be dreaming, I would think that I didn’t like a certain aspect of the dream and that would change as I wished. So, my dream would proceed exactly how I would want it to. In fact, I reached the point that if I started to lose control of my dream, I could wake myself up. Just like a nightmare wakes people up, I wake up when my dream starts to get rebellious. I’m like a dictator. Do what I tell you or I’ll cut you off!
Being able to put yourself in another’s place and see things from their point of view is one of the signs of a good debater. I don’t know how well I do that, but I do always try to consider how the other will respond to what I say. My lack of interest in conversation with people would often boil down to my knowing exactly how they would respond. So, if I wanted to talk to someone about something, I could carry out the whole conversation in my head as easily as actually conversing with that person. I don’t need to get to know a person well. I just like to know the person. It helps me understand how to talk to him or her. My whole style of conversation is based on predictions. I don’t like to be taken by surprise while talking to someone. It is not like the conversation is a competition but I still want to be sure that I can argue any point I make. Even while I type this, I can imagine “Puff” having something to say about quite a few things in this blog. The prediction part comes into play now. Since she’s having examinations currently, she won’t have time to talk to me properly. Also, for a large part of our friendship, we’ve used the Internet to talk to each other. Nowadays, I don’t use the Internet for communications at all. Since we’re in the same country right now, we might as well talk to each other on the phone. So what are my predictions? I predict that I won’t be talking to her for a while since she’s got examinations. Also, over the phone, the conversation won’t really turn to debating about my blogs. Now here’s the kicker. Once she reads my blog, the probability of me being wrong will increase dramatically. Now that I’ve said this, the chances go down again. It’ll keep going like this.
It has been said that I don’t have tact. I don’t know how to cushion my statements. Well, that’s fine. In my opinion, there are quite a few advantages to that. Stating myself bluntly does tend to avoid miscomprehension. So, when I criticise, I don’t soften the blow. I just say it as it is. That’s why I’ve begun to come off as so harsh.
Since I’ve come here, I’ve seen three movies. The Punisher, Troy and The Day After Tomorrow. Let me try my hand at being a short critic for a while.
I found The Punisher to be rather crappy. When “Hyper Dude” said that he thought the movie was great, I just passed off his comment because his movie tastes really clash with mine. However, “Artsie” said that he liked it and ever since watching “Secret Window”, I felt that perhaps “Artsie”’s movie taste was similar to mine. Armed with that assumption, I went to watch the movie. Sadly, it was pathetic!
Troy was a good movie. I really liked it. I read a few reviews that said that Brad Pitt’s acting left much to be desired. However, the whole movie seemed to be played out so well. I didn’t particularly like Orlando Bloom’s part since he was playing the role of a sniveling idiot. Eric Bana did an amazing job. Overall, I give the movie a 9/10. There was just something about the THIGH-pumping action, the drama and of course, the ever interesting Greek mythology that really appealed to me.
The Day After Tomorrow was a movie that I surprisingly liked more than I would have expected. I didn’t expect a whole lot from it. Thought it would be a movie about the world going kaput. I was partly right. The effects of the movie were amazing. I was so impressed that it fuelled my inner desire of becoming a special effects graphics designer. The sub-plot of the movie was about a father trying to get to his son. What a coincidence! I go to see a movie of my choosing with my father and the underlying message of the movie is about the strength of the father-son bond.
During my last month in Toronto, I spent quite some time shooting and editing a few clips that “Banana Man”, “Artsie” and I shot. It was a lot of fun shooting the clips and just as much fun editing them and seeing what I could produce. Though the editing I did was only the tip of the iceberg, it was enough to start me off on considering the above-mentioned career. I intended on spending my summer working on those clips a lot more, but I don’t have the resources to do that properly. Besides the editing, I also wanted to come up with ideas for the script and find out my limits.
I mentioned before that I would often not go ahead with what I wished out of fear of risk. A problem we faced with our filming was not having the physical prowess to properly perform any stunts. I thought I could do kip-ups but it turned out that I could only perform a bone-cracking crank-up. I’ve worked on that and I can kip-up now. However, there are so many things that I would like to do but don’t think I should try them. Some of them could involve a nasty landing on my neck. Anyhow, I’ve worked up the nerve to go ahead with the stunts. Now it’s just a matter of finding out whether I can do them and if the mattress I selected is going to work properly. Oh, before I forget… “Banana Man”, when we meet up again next year, remind me to demonstrate a scissors-kick takedown move that I saw on the telly.
Besides the stunts, I’m still going ahead with bench-presses. I’ve finally started benching more than my own weight. I’m also trying to increase my stamina. “Midas” said that she could jog for 45 minutes or so. I remember that I used to be able to run at top-speed (which wasn’t all that high) for long periods of time. I probably can’t do that anymore. Now I can run faster but not for too long. So, I’m currently jogging at speeds of 2.5 m/s (twice the walking speed for an average person) for 1.5 km. That does take quite a lot out of me. I’m hoping to be able to at least double this distance by the end of the summer and triple it by next year. However, the jogging does help me tone the THIGHS.
Recently, it’s felt like I just can’t stretch enough. I’m stretching all the time but I still don’t feel good. If only I had one of those torture racks. I could just strap myself in and stretch myself vertically. Adding a few inches to my height won’t hurt either. If only…
I’ve been reading The Count Of Monte Cristo lately. Alexandre Dumas’ style of writing is certainly catching. While reading, I just thought of “Not two suns had gone…” It’s my alteration of his way of writing. Interesting? I think not!
In an episode of Dexter’s Laboratory, he and his sister drank all of the coffee in the house. Without the coffee, the parents were hopeless and couldn’t get their day started. In the same way, a tea ritual is performed three times a day in this household. In the morning, everyone (except me) in the house needs a cup of tea. This ceremony is repeated twice more in the evening and at night. It’s almost like an addiction. They need their tea. I wonder what would happen if they didn’t have tea for a whole day.
New Zealand followed by Australia, Africa and Switzerland would top a list of the places that I would love to visit. I have no desire to see the industrialised countries. I want to see the prairie lands of Auckland, the Outback of Australia, the wilderness of Africa and the Alps of Switzerland. I would even consider working at the sets of Xena or Hercules seeing how they are filmed in the most beautiful and remote parts of New Zealand.
There’s one last topic left on my list. It’s the one that’s caused the most commotion. Girls. I’ll address that tomorrow.
Ok, first things first. I’ve never had a girlfriend. So for all those people who have kept asking me, believe me! (“Teachers, help me!”). I’m not going to get a girlfriend anytime soon, either. It’s not the time. Yes, I’ve given a lot of thought to relationships and what they could mean. However, I don’t picture myself in one at this point of time. In the beginning, it was just another one of my usual topics. However, since so many people have asked me about it, I now think that I’m making too big of a deal. There’s nothing special about relationships. Everything I’ve said about girls before still stands. Some people have suggested that perhaps my mind was ‘distracted’ while I was in Canada. Well, perhaps it was waterlogged.
When I’m walking in public and I see girls walking by, I don’t think about whether they think I’m good-looking or not. That doesn’t really matter to me. If I can’t be bothered to make myself good, I can’t expect myself to look good nonetheless. When they walk by, I just register the fact that they are girls but I don’t go beyond that fact. As far as I’m concerned right now, girls are girls. Yes, it so happens that for the past couple of years, I’ve made quite a few female friends. However, that’s just because I realised that it was just dumb to restrict myself to guy friends only.
To talk about ‘love’, I have no concept of it right now. I don’t know how it feels. No one can ask me whether I think if a guy and girl are in love. I don’t know. I do know for sure that a guy and girl can be really good friends and not be romantically attached. I know that personally and so do many of my friends. Yes, the possibility always exists that prolonged exposure to each other (Welcome to Disc-l-overy Channel) can lead to romantic feelings. Too many people think that it’s a 100% probability.
When something about a friend bothers me, I won’t hesitate to tell him or her that I have a problem with him or her. Long ago, I established that my idea of friendship is a lot different than the ideas of others. Friends shouldn’t hold back. So, if there’s something bugging one, he or she should tell the other.
A while back, a friend was upset that I didn’t confide in him. Well, I don’t go around asking everyone for solutions to my problem. I just go straight to the person who I feel will be able to provide me with the best solution. The upset friend said he knew me well and could tell that my problem had to do with girls. He continued on to tell me that I could trust him and gave me reasons. He said that he doesn’t tell me everything but he tells me everything important (or something like that). He said that I might not have gone to him because I didn’t think he could help me with a problem about girls. He goes on to say that he’s had a relationship before. I just couldn’t help laughing. Firstly, he was so adamant that my problem was related to girls. Secondly, even if he had had a relationship (singular), did that make him the best person for me to approach? The third reason was the one that my darker side came up with. I say darker because if I used it properly in the conversation, I could have rained ‘ell fire and brimstone down on him! He never told me about his relationship but when he felt that it could help his chances, he throws it out like it was an ace up his short sleeve. Kind of trying to use a trump card in the friendship game. I believe that was the time when he got upset that I couldn’t keep humour out of anything and I mentioned in the very next edition of my blog that a situation without humour is just not worth experiencing.
People in the house have begun waking up. When people are awake nearby, they disrupt my thinking and I can’t keep blogging. So I’ll stop for tonight too.
Meh, turns out that I’ve written all I wanted to say. It’s only 10 pages long.
