Death

There were times in the past couple of weeks that I had so much to say. However, each time I didn’t because every time I hold something within me, I feel like it’s still very much close to me. It’s my thought and I cherished that. Whenever I talk about something, it loses meaning to me because I guess I begin to think that that opinion is no longer just mine.

I was just watching Bicentennial Man. I didn’t really like the movie the first time but I had this urge to watch it today when I found out that it was coming on the television. I think I missed some vital points of the movie when I saw it before. I guess I was more shallow back then and focused more on what was laid out in front of me.

I think while the movie’s main theme is about a robot discovering humanity, the underlying theme really touched me. The underlying theme was the same as the underlying theme in Roots by Alex Haley. I think that has been one of the best books that I’ve ever read.

It’s all about death in the family as time passes. In Roots, you start off with a young boy and follow him through the years as he grows up. So smoothly, the story switches over to his daughter. You proceed to follow her life and then just like before, you switch over to her son, if I remember correctly.

I’ve completely ignored the main theme of the book but this theme appealed to me so much more. As the years passed, the story jumped to the next generation. Once the jump took place, there would be hardly any mention of the previous generation. It made me really sad to see that happen for I felt that the previous generation couldn’t just be ignored like that. I didn’t like the theme at all. Then I had a talk with my uncle. I think it was the first time that I had a one-on-one intelligent conversation with him. When we talked about this, he just simply stated, “That’s how life is, my son.”

I hate the fact that he’s right.

I mentioned before, when I share a memory, I feel like it’s not purely mine anymore and it loses its value that way. I cherish that conversation with my uncle and even after writing out one of the highlights of the conversation, I still cherish it because it meant that much to me.

I think so far, only one death has meant so much to me. I just don’t want to share it with everyone because it still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it. I want that! The tears make me feel humbled that I knew such a great person and they are the proof that I still care. Hopefully, by skirting some major details, I won’t lose my attachment to this memory.

I don’t want to be immortal. I want to experience everything and then die while I’m still healthy enough. Being immortal means that I’d live to see all of my cherished ones grow older and die. There are plenty of upsides to living on, but when it comes down to it, the people who mean the most to me will be the family who are with me in this time. I don’t like things like this changing.

I just felt like I had to write something. I’ve just felt a bit cooped up at home. I guess I needed to give my brain some proper exercise.

Blog 'Bout Blogging

To continue on what I said about blogging, I really do think that it seems to make everything I talk about seem like it’s a big deal to me and that I’m all wound up over it. I guess it must be my style of writing because I know that there can be blogs which aren’t this… dramatic?

So I chose to write about something… I write about pretty much anything that comes to my mind and I have enough material to write about it. It doesn’t mean that it’s a huge ordeal even if it sounds like that. It’d be apparent if it meant a lot to me.

The other thing about my blog is that it seems to make people think that my life is horrible and depressed and who knows what else. It’s really quite not. I’m still a pessimist so I guess I tend to focus on the negatives more than the positives.

If this blog is supposed to represent my way of thinking then I guess I should work on stopping it from depicting my life.