Choice & Consequence
I have so much trouble thinking that I’m just supposed to shut up and sit down… that I should be like everyone else in this world. It’s not like I have this ambitious drive in me to be the most famous person in the world but as I’ve often said, I want to be known as someone who made a positive difference.
On the other hand, I’m not that passive that I’ll sit back, follow all the rules and just live for myself. There are so many issues in the world where someone needs to step up and take charge. Yet, I don’t find myself stepping up. I guess I’m wishing for something nobler. As if I’m going for all or nothing.
I don’t have a death wish but I shudder to think that someday, I’ll die a normal death lying on a bed somewhere because old age has taken its toll on me. Yes, it’s possible that by then, I’ve lived a full life and managed to come out unscathed till the point where my heart beats its last. I want to live my life knowing that I’m making a difference to people. I don’t want those differences to affect only those in close proximity to me. I want to spend my life knowing that, if nothing else, I helped people I didn’t even know. People who will never hear about me or know of me but still benefit in some way.
I have all the respect in the world for those in the military. Some may have more psychotic reasons and I suppose that’s a good thing since you’re trained to be on a battlefield killing other humans. Yet, the honour lies in the fact that you’re out there protecting not just your family and friends but everyone else in your country. You are out there fighting for people you don’t even know, people who don’t know you. People who might not even care. But that’s not what matters. You are willing to give up your own life just so others may live theirs.
Yet, sometimes, you have to wonder just how good a decision that is. Thieves, crooks, con artists, rapists, gluts, misers, lawyers and politicians are part of the group being saved. I guess that’s why I’m not in the military. I don’t think some people deserve to be saved. It’s not my decision to make, though. I could spend hours arguing over what’s right or wrong and how it’s subjective. I don’t believe that one’s values and opinions should be forced upon another. I’m not justifying robbery, murder, etc. but I guess up to a certain point, it’s better to let people live their lives the way they choose. Then there are some lines that shouldn’t be crossed. Where that line is drawn is a subjective decision.
The thing about these military personnel is that they believe that everyone deserves to be saved. That no one should be left behind. They go to extraordinary lengths to make sure that when it comes down to it, they will defend the country with no second thoughts. They will protect it no matter what state it’s in.
We’re on this planet with more than six billion people. Is life really all about living out your life trying to keep yourself happy? I don’t think you can make everyone else happy but you should sure as well try. Hell, I know there are some people out there who hate my guts. I’m sorry for that. I really am. They have every right to hate me and I wish things were different but they aren’t. I wish I could make things better but I don’t know how. It’s something that I’ll just have to hold in my heart and hope I don’t repeat.
Coming back to my original point, you have to try and help others. Fine, look out for yourself, do what you want, but occasionally, think about someone else. Is it as simple as holding the door open that extra second so the lady with the cart can pass through? Or perhaps as easy as being the person someone relies on for wakeup calls or reminders?
There are obviously more actions that one could go after but lets at least go for the easy ones for now. I think we’ve all had choices to make about who we’ll help and till what lengths we’ll go. I guess I’m around average in terms of being a good humanitarian. I just wish I was more. I wish I knew that when the situation calls for it, I’ll be the one people turn to for leadership, for help, for friendship.
Ultimately, when my life ends, I want to believe that I was somebody. I want to believe that I wasn’t just any one person in over six billion but that I was some person in over six billion.
“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do” - Edward Everett Hale
Wouldn’t it be nice to know that when you die, it’ll bring people closer together? People will remember you, they’ll cherish the memories they share with you. They’ll talk about how you made a difference in their lives. Laugh over their fondest memory of you. Laughter… It’s my primary purpose in life. I want people to miss me because I made them laugh. That for the briefest of moments, I took their problems, made them mine yet still cracked a joke. I want the weight of the world on me. I want more people to come to me when they need help. It’s not about interfering in other peoples’ lives nor is it about knowing intimate details. It’s about letting people know there’s always a bright spot in their lives. Whether or not I can help them with their problems, they should believe that there is some point of talking to me.
I’ve been there for so many people when they needed someone to talk to. I’ve made sure that when someone needed me, I was available for them 24/7. I just didn’t want to let them down. I couldn’t bear the thought that when someone turned to me for help, I shut them out. Yet, I’ve done that in the past. I’ve done it to the people I’ve cared about. I’ve done it to the girl I care about. She means the world to me and it saddens me to think that I’ve upset her before. It kills me to know that I’ve hurt her so deeply several times. Yet, when I did all those mean things, I didn’t seem to show a morsel of remorse. Yet another burden that I will be carrying with me. I spend all my time now trying to keep her happy and it pleases me that it just feels natural doing anything for her. At the same time, I find it amusing how I’ll forever have to admit that she’s just so much better at meeting my needs.
And it’s upon her request that this post’s topic came up. I told her to recommend a subject and she went with “Choice”.
I don’t even want to get in to all of the bad choices I’ve made. All the bad decisions. Each choice comes with its own set of consequences. A whole new parallel dimension of opportunities. I regret them… I regret them all. I wish I could undo some of them. I wish I could make up for others. Yet, nothing will change who I am and what I feel is right or wrong. I’m happy with the person I am. Maybe I try too hard to be a martyr by making it sound like I have no choice but to bear the burdens of my history. In reality, I cherish all of my mistakes. They’ve taught me, they’ve punished me, they’ve hurt me.
We always have a choice. We claim to be forced into things but in reality, it’s in the interest of self-preservation that we dismiss other choices. I’m sure several of us would prefer not to be working. It’s entirely possible that we could eke out a living somehow. Yet, we’ll go to work day in, day out because we believe that we have no other choice if we want to survive.
I don’t go to work because I want the money. I don’t go to work because I want to be the top dog at the company. I go to work so I can feel like I’m contributing. Working in a large company, you don’t get that feeling. Unless you’re in a senior position, you feel insignificant. I made a choice. I decided to go with a smaller company so I didn’t feel as if I was just a pebble on the road. I chose consulting because I didn’t want to do just any job. I wanted to do something dynamic. I wanted to work where what I said made a difference to people. Where whole companies would make their decisions based on what I came up with.
Let’s assume that there’s no such thing as an irrational choice. Every choice taken is justified at the time of action. Yes, you hacked that man to pieces but at the time, you felt it was the right thing to do. In retrospect, it could be called a decision made on the spur of the moment or an irrational decision.
Let’s assume that no one will ever make a decision which does more harm than good, either to themselves or to someone else. An evil person will do what it takes to get what they want; a hero will do what it takes to get you what you want. I’d say an irrational decision is one where you do something which causes more harm than good. So, you can’t really classify what sort of choice it was until the consequences are known.
A cricketer keeps missing the ball. He lashes out at the next ball. If he hits it over the boundary, he’ll be applauded. If he gets out, the blame will be on frustration or on an irrational shot selection.
So, there is no such thing as an irrational decision. There’ll be someone out there who doesn’t approve but to someone, the decision made sense. Whether it was right or wrong, that’s a debate I’ll choose not to attend.
Now we should look at the motivation behind the decision. Was it for personal gain or was it for someone else’s good? Is it possible that you can achieve both at the same time? Could your happiness in life really be geared in such a way? I think that would be great. My biggest joy in life is making others smile. I genuinely feel happy when I see someone else is happy.
If you’re only interested in personal gains, your decisions could be detrimental to someone else. You didn’t hold the door open so the lady with the cart struggled to get through. She ended up being late to a crucial meeting and lost her job. Insignificant actions leading to dire circumstances. A butterfly effect. You can’t predict what will happen but if you believe that just a simple “thanks” as she passes while you hold the door open is sufficient, then things will begin to improve.
It’s easy to be happy in this world. There’s always a lot out there that suits us or meets our needs. We just need to realise what we have and take pleasure in their experiences. When I think about my Missus, it often seems as if the world is always against her. So many things may go wrong, but I’m proud of her for never slowing down. It’s easy to whine and complain. Everyone does it. Yet, rather than sit down and give up because Murphy’s Law seemingly controls her fate, she’s back on track. Much faster than anyone would expect. Usually, I haven’t even grasped the extent of the problem before she’s working around the problem.
Perhaps we should stop worrying about what sort of choices we’re making. I’d say that more than 80% of the people who come seeking my advice are being indecisive. They need a little push. They are worried not about their choices but about the consequences. “What if she rejects me?”, “What if that doesn’t work?” or “What if people will think less of me?” What they are looking for is someone to support their instincts. I’m more than happy to give them my suggestions but I’m just as likely to tell them that they should follow their instincts.
If I can convince just one person who came to talk to me that they should stop and go with what they really want to do, then I’ll be happy. Perhaps it’s not the best idea to always act according to the best case scenario but people should start believing that things will work out. Yes, occasionally, something goes wrong. You suffer, you’re punished or you lose something. Are you really going to let that fear dictate your life?
In many of my talks with the people who came to me, I end up suggesting a course of action and asking them why they haven’t already done it. The number of times the other person has shaken his or her head as if trying to jar the fear loose is astounding. They know it’s what they need to do. They just need to stop worrying about the negative outcomes. Along with the lack of fear comes a sense of confidence. The driving force which makes everything appear possible. I can’t even begin to recount the number of times I’ve felt that confidence has led me to get what I want.
I don’t want to look back and wonder “What if I had done that?” Too many people I know spend their lives in the past wondering what could have been. I guess one thing that I cherish about my Missus is that I spend a lot more time thinking about what could be. I have hopes, I have expectations and I have motivation. I have something I’ll work towards. And for all of my insecurities, my “noble” desires and my childish wants, she supports me.
I don’t want to live my life in the future planning everything. I want to live in the present enjoying everything. So, rather than worry about what’s going to happen, I just believe everything will work out and I take the plunge.
“It’s always easier to apologise than to ask permission.” – Grace Murray Hopper
I’ve found out first hand that sometimes, you can’t be forgiven. That there was never any chance of getting permission but there was no chance of being forgiven either. Sometimes, you don’t even know you need permission from someone but you still get cornered into thinking that you should apologise.
Some would argue that you shouldn’t be doing anything that requires an apology later. I don’t know. I guess I can’t follow the rules that closely. Sometimes, something has to be done. It must be that part of me that doesn’t accept the status quo.
I wish I had more knowledge, more strength and more resolve. I want to do whatever I can to help this world. I just don’t want to spend my entire life working at a company where 80% of the other employees will never know who I am. It’s all about making a difference. I want to know that I’m making a difference. To more people than just my family.
I’m repeating myself. I’m not saying anything of worth. Perhaps I’m out of touch with writing with feeling so no one will understand what I’m talking about. I just wish it was possible for everyone to understand this feeling I have. For everyone to share it too. Perhaps it’ll convince the more active ones to get out there and make a difference.
With life the way it is nowadays, I find myself yearning for a mellow mood. One where I can block out the world and sit back. I want to enjoy a silent night, cool weather, a slow leisurely walk. I want to disconnect from the world for a while because I’ve had enough. There are people who I’ve lost touch with. There are parts of me that I’ve lost touch with.
There are too many things wrong with a rutted life. There are too many things wrong with a life where you plan on blocking everyone out. Close friends, significant others, they all become special. They give you motivation and hope. They make you feel loved. No matter how jaded past friendships and relationships have been, you should give your all in each friendship and in each relationship otherwise you’ll just be depriving yourself.
It’s a choice you have to make. Don’t think you have to make a decision about what sort of life you want to lead. Instead, make a choice about the smaller things in life. These are the things that define your life. As Captain Planet used to say, “The choice is YOURS”. Oh jeez… I can’t believe I’m ending this post with that!
