Inflight Insight

Alright, I’m in the plane right now, heading towards Heathrow Airport, London. I’ve been in the air for almost 3 and a half hours. My butt is so numb but the stupid seat-belt lights won’t go off due to turbulence. I just finished watching “Cheaper by the Dozen”. It’s a nice movie. I know “Artsie’s” probably dissing Hilary Duff now. I don’t know how she sings, but I wonder if she’s as nice as that smile. I should follow up on that.

I’ve been only posting short blogs recently since I felt that no one could bother reading through them. “Puff” says that I can write well and keep my readers interested. However, I don’t know if anyone else feels the same way.

Still another 3 hours to go. Then, I watch the sunrise in Heathrow after which I get ready to go to Dubai. My parents are already planning on taking me to visit people as soon as I arrive. I’m homesick. Not for Dubai but for Toronto. For Chestnut. For the amazing view from my room of City Hall, the Sky Dome and the CN tower. For the friends who I spent so much time with. For my “western life”. I don’t have much to look forward to, in Dubai. I have family… In Pakistan, I have family… That’s all I’m going to these places for.

I mentioned that I would sing the praises of a few things in my life. Might as well do it now. Keep in mind, I’m limiting everyone’s niceties to 3 - 4 lines each.

“Artsie” – A friend who remains true and respects others. He never oversteps any boundaries and he can so easily become the sort of friend that others want. I’m not being clear, am I? His friendship is the sort that I’m happy has held on for so long.

“Banana Man” – I could talk about him for hours. Studying him, I found that he’s much more intense than I am and could teach me so much. However, he knows exactly how much he should say and how much I should find out for myself.

“Cheshire Cat” - Interesting fellow who I regret not knowing better. Still, there's next year. He's got a silent sense of humour. He picks the mot unsuspecting times to say something which just makes me crack up.

“Froggie” – A friend who’s head gones in the clouds every now and then to “admire the view” but also has her feet firmly on the ground. She won’t abduct frogs to find a prince but rather, to take care of them. She won’t be looking for personal gain (all the time, except if chocolate is involved) but prefers to help others.

“Hyper Dude” – He’s got friendship as his highest priority, it seems. Perhaps second (after food). No matter how depressed he may be, he won’t let it show when all around him are happy. He can fit in anywhere and that’s no easy feat given his “special” circumstances. He takes every friendship seriously and it won’t be his fault if things didn’t work.

“Lone Ranger” – A guy who’s one constant source of amusement. I could spend hour after hour making fun of him and he wouldn’t mind a bit. I wonder what runs through his head half the time. Just observing his actions makes me realise that he takes great interest in the work he enjoys doing.

“Midas” – I don’t know her well, so I can’t say much. She’s got a sharp tongue which I don’t really find compliments my own style of making fun of others, but it’s always hilarious watching her pick on people. I admire how she can run a place of her own, study hard to get good grades and still manage to find time for sops like me.

“Powerpuff” – So passionate… When she’s debating or just talking about anything in general, she seems so “in to” the subject. It amuses me just listening to her talk and trying to understand why she’s so passionate.

“Puff” – She’s got wit, level-headedness and a touch of intelligence to make her into a friend with whom hours can be spent talking to. Her advice is more valuable than stupid pearls of wisdom and her opinions (which almost always disagree with mine) help me get a better understanding of the “other side of the story”. I met her properly while helping with her talent show. I can only say, “She was the most talented there.”

I don’t like Air Canada. I’m as comfortable as I could be in any economy seat, given my height. However, they have nothing to make the flight pass quicker. One movie is all they showed. I’m so bored but I’ve got crosswords to do after this so they should help me pass the time. Still… I’ve got 2.5 hours left. Been flying for 4.5 hours now.

Nelly Furtado’s on the screen now. She’s got nice eyes. I can spot nice eyes from a distance. The first and only things I see while talking to someone is his or her eyes. I’m going to miss seeing coloured/nice eyes in Dubai. Only dull brown eyes there.

My stupid pen is having troubles. Apparently, the pressure (or rather, lack of pressure) up here makes it leak at times and stop writing at others.

To sleep or not to sleep? Or to eat? EAT!! Snack time. I hope I don’t finish them off before I reach Dubai. Still got half a day’s travel left.

I’m surrounded by old geezers. The man next to me is snoring peacefully. The women in front passed out while hitting the recline button so her head is almost in my lap. I’m being too nice to them. Took me forever to get into the bathroom. Was afraid that if I didn’t let them go first, their bladder would burst, killing them.

Anyhow, I’ll wrap this up until I’m back in the air, heading for Dubai on Emirates (a good airline).

Alright, back in the air. My butt is already sore. Flight was delayed by 1.5 hours. Interesting watching other planes take off into the clouds. As they reached the cloud-line, they would seemingly just disappear.

As I was coming through the clouds at Heathrow, the clouds themselves struck me as English. They were recognisable. I felt I was going home. Same when I talked to the people. I had so much fun there. Now, I’m lost in the clouds listening to an Arabic dude continuously interrupt my viewing of Paycheck.

It’s been a long time since I had a window seat during a day-flight. Not that I get day-flights all that often. Then again, I have to keep pulling down the blind because of the bright sun.

Weird coincidence. Both times during take-off, it began drizzling.

Quite a few movies on. I hope I have time to watch them all.

On my left, I’ve got a nice view of the clouds. I get lost staring at them. On my right, I have a woman whose never traveled via Emirates before. She’s quite interested in what I’m writing. Pen’s leaking again!!

Now here’s the interesting part. There’s a rather striking desi girl with nice eyes sitting in front of me. She’s supposed to be next to me!! Now some idiot with spiked hair and yellow touches and earrings is talking to her every now and then. Bah! I’m considering passing her a note to open a conversation.

Ok, finished Paycheck. So-so movie. The girl ahead is disturbing me. I must talk to her. On the other hand, if she’s chatting to that guy so easily, she’s not my type! Bah!

My pen’s run out of ink… More like it leaked out all its ink.

I was thinking of a few times in Toronto that stuck out in my mind.

The first was on the 8th of April. I hadn’t seen “Uber-bachi” for an uber long time. Anyhow, I met her at breakfast, and then at lunch. I was waiting for the elevator to go to the bank, make a draft to send to my travel agent and withdraw some money to get some stuff for a friend. After I got the draft, I headed off towards Staples to mail the draft. As I entered, I spotter “Uber-bachi” down some aisle. However, I headed towards the Canada post section and got in line. She saw me and waved but I just nodded. Anyhow, I got my stuff and then was about to leave when she popped up from behind me having just paid for her items. I was talking to her as we headed off towards residence and she told me that she was going to Eaton Center. She asked me to join her. Meh, I had nothing to do… so I did. Besides, I decided that while I was there, I would stop over at Fido to ask about cell phones. Spent the next couple of hours walking around with her while she went into a whole bunch of stores looking for clothes. She’s nuts about green. Finally, I helped her pick out a green shirt which she tried out and liked. She got a phone call 1.5 hours in. Her friend had arrived at the residence and was waiting for her. So we quickly moved from one shop to the other and finally headed over back to residence. I handed her back her subwoofer stereo speakers that she had bought from Staples and which I had been carrying since then and then left for my room. Met her again, when I went down to eat!! Saw her the next day, wearing that shirt. It’s weird… Didn’t see her for days and then one day… overflow!!! At least she was easier to shop with than “Artsie” or “Hyper Dude”.

The second was on the 26th of April. My exams had finished so we went out at night. Since we left so late, the good places had closed down. So we trudged up and down Yonge Street. Near the Hard Rock Café were some small fountains of water shooting out of the Dundas Square. How could I resist? I ran through a few times and got a pretty good picture of me mid-drenching. Was soaked for hours after that. It didn’t help that it had been raining and was a bit chilly. It was easier leaving Canada knowing that I had done one last nutty thing. Found a place to eat near the cinemas which were 15 minutes away. Had shawarmas and the bubble teas before heading back to residence.

Once I got to Dubai, I started chatting to the girl as we got off. She seemed nice enough. However, at the visa collection, she didn’t go to the Desi section but to the “Others” section. I had already been wondering if she was really Desi. Might have been an expatriate. However, I had lost any interest by then. Watching the Malayalams was more interesting (Hehe, sorry “Puff”). They were drifting around the lines not knowing what to do. Some would seemingly be passing through the line but then suddenly stop and begin waiting. People were so shocked they didn’t say anything. Then one guy cut in front of me so I talked to him and made him bugger off. Then the way, they clung to each other afraid of losing one another. They had no idea what to do at the counter and would keep pissing off the person waiting on them, until finally a Malayalam security guard guided them all through the routine. They were so hilarious that it was worth waiting for them to finish their antics.

I got my visa after an hour and then headed off. They opened a new counter when I got to the immigration section, so no wait there. Got my luggage instantly since it had been unloaded. After all, when luggage isn’t collected after an hour, they might as well take it off. So I didn’t need to wait for my bags. Luggage check took a minute since it was empty too. Walked out, to be greeted by… a gust of hot air! Found my mother and grandmother and went home. Spent the next few hours talking to family. Went to sleep. Woke up the next day, to go to Al-Ain. Yep! As I expected, the mountain is still there and the springs are still gushing out hot water. Awesome! Spent the whole day there. So, I still haven’t had time to relax.

Now, I just decided to catch up on my e-mail, buddy correspondence and type out the blog. It was 5 pages on paper, but even with the additions, I only managed to get up to 4 pages.

Oh! I came back and thought I would get my cell phone back. My uncle’s using it, though. I don’t mind that. Here’s the annoying part. While I was gone, my parents gave my cell phone to Adnan’s uncle. Bah! That’s bad enough. His uncle in a feat of ultimate *****dity deleted my whole phone book. All my phone numbers GONE! My little black book was secretly hidden in there… GONE! I should break each of Adnan’s fingers when I see him (just for a little satisfaction) so that he can’t play any instruments for a while. In fact, I should chop them off, so he can’t play EVER AGAIN! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sigh… So much time left here in Dubai and absolutely nothing to do. Might as well hope that something good is on the telly and then go sleep.

Desideratum

Beware! I feel a long blog coming on. Except “Puff”, who might be looking forward to it for reasons known to her.

Masquerade

A façade that didn’t go as planned and left people with the idea of ‘issues’. A façade that can only be considered a miserable failure.

Peremptory

Am I so self-centered that I must make everything about me?

ASPIRINg NUTCASE

NO I WOULD NOT SLEEP.... IN THESE BED OF LIES
SO TOSS ME OUT... AND TURN INTO A MAINDUCK! RIBBIT RIBBIT RIBBIT!

BLOG'S ARE FULL OF CRAP! IGNORE THE WORDS OF THIS MADMAN! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight! ARE YOU MAD??!?!?!?

A Mortal's Gelidity

Cold Rain describes the eyes of a person who lives without depending or believing in anyone. Sounds familiar… if I could just remember who fits that description.

Money can be recovered but the warmth of a person can only be returned by an encounter of two equally empty people.

Two lines originating not from my mind but from my eyes.

Incense

Roomie opened a new bar of soap… So that’s what spring in Ireland smells like. It was driving me crazy trying to imagine what the smell would be like. Jeez.

Yes, my dear “Froggie”, my blog lengths have decreased. Makes them more readable for you lot. Anyhow, it’s more fun living life than writing about it. Ha! Two lines.

Confabulating

When I’m in the mood to chat to people, I’m so used to being silent that I don’t have anything to say to them. Even if I rack my brain, it’s hard for me to come up with stuff to say.

However, every so often, I have a conversation with that one person where everything flows. There’s never a break in the dialogue and even the farewells take their sweet time.

Here’s the good part. There are two people who play big roles in my life who I chat with often. Not once (at least to my recollection), have our banters stumbled or have we made idle chitchat for the heck of it. In “Puff’s” case, there’s always stuff we can discuss. She’s the person who gives me advice from an outsider’s point of view. I hope she doesn’t misconstrue my meaning when I said ‘outsider’. In Sabbi’s example, we can talk for hours about anything and even if that runs out, we talk about nothing. No matter what, our conversations are interesting and so light-hearted; every conversation with her has a smile plastered on my face.

I can only hope that everyone has at least one person like that. I’m lucky enough to have at least two.

Sapience

If you tell me to back off because you’re going to rip my head off in case I keep ‘attacking’, I’m going to kiss my head goodbye and chaaaaaaaaaarge!

If you ask me to back off because you’re not in the mood and don’t want a good ol’ repartee, I’ll say, “Aw, man!” and find someone else.

It’s that simple.

To go back to my previous blogs, I said that I believe I could give up my life for the betterment of mankind. I believe that I could step back and let my best friend have a shot at the girl (to sound arrogant). I’d like to add, if it needs be, I can step out of everything and let time go by. Everything.

A situation is not made humorous. Merely, a person finds the scenario humorous when they can see the funny side. When one person laughs and the other looks confusedly on, then the laughing one sees the humour whereas the other doesn’t. I think almost every scenario has a funny side to it. It’s just a matter of finding it. “There are two sides to everything.”

Changes Need To Be Made.

Right now, I feel so lost, so sad and yet I’m happy. I’m in the mood where I love everything and want to do no wrong. I can stare out the window and see beauty popping up everywhere in a motionless city. I can talk to a friend and not need the conversation to be funny for it to appeal to me. Just talking to the friend was what I wanted. If this was during the day, I would feel overwhelmed because I would then be surrounded by my friends and wouldn’t be able to give as much time as I would like to each of my friends. I can sit back in my chair for hours listening to the music drone on. However, I have so many tasks at hand. Even though they’ll affect my life more than just spending this time relaxing, I have no worries and no burdens. This is the time when people should talk to me about my flaws for this is the time that I’m willing to please them. I wasn’t going to ramble on this blog since I only had certain things to say.

I wish my close friends were here with me at this time. I wouldn’t have anything to say to them but just being in their company would be good enough for me. Things wouldn’t work out though. They wouldn’t understand what I’m feeling so they would get impatient. I don’t want that so I would strain to think of something to talk to them about just so that they don’t get bored. It’s always like that.

At this point, I don’t know who I am and I don’t care. I’m happy being just me. My mind’s active and my body’s awake but I’m in such a daze that I believe everything will turn out great. I hope my body isn’t releasing dopamine which would explain my mood.

I’m a persistent pessimist who can see the humour in some of the worst scenarios. Does that make me a bad pessimist? I think my current happiness arises from the fact that I’m finally feeling emotions.

The Prognostication Of The Loved

Yeah, I know you told me to stop blogging but I wanted to add something.

I predict the actions of those who I care for.

So for all those people who I mention in my prophecies (and I mean this in a non-religious way), be flattered.

Informal Epistle

Ok, nothing much to say. I’ve still been doing a lot of thinking but nothing that I’ll be posting. A few shout outs are in order though. So I’ll just address everyone.

“Banana Man” – I know art is not to be rushed but we don’t have much time so let’s pick up the pace and get that movie made.

“The Cheshire Cat” – Hmm…. Indian!

“The Lone Ranger” – Thanks for the camera. Thanks for asking your dad to get all the flight stuff done. Also, don’t hesitate to pick your own dates.

“Midas” – Looks like “Powerpuff” has joined your elitist ranks of being ‘the best’ and “Hyper Dude” has been kicked out. Anyhow, forget about the problem that I asked you about yesterday after the movie.

“Powerpuff” – You may not be underage but still… A CHILD’S ticket?!? Damn my height! Hehe, nah! I want to be taller! Watch out tall people for I’m coming after your legs.

“Froggie” – CHICKEN! Chocolate-eater! Evil person! LIMU! Meh, still fun talking to you though.

“Artsie” – Hmm, plenty to say. However, let’s limit it all to this. I need to talk to you. No beef, no argument, just need your advice on a situation that I trust you’ll keep confidential.

“Hyper Dude” – Yeah yeah, you’re probably wondering why I’m not asking for your help instead of “Artsie’s” but the answer to that is pretty clear and if you don’t know, then I’ll tell you. However, since (according to “Artsie”) we shouldn’t send messages via blogmail, wait till you ask me in person, if you want to know that is. I wouldn’t recommend it though. Bwahahaha.

“Puff” – Nothing to say really, but still wanted to write your name down to let you know that I remember you too.

Oh, I know I said that I’ll write good things about quite a few things in this blog, but I decided that I’ll delay that till the next blog. I’m not in that much of a mood to write much.

Obiter Dicta

Haha! Blog wars are in full effect. Everyone who blogs has been sucked in. Except for “Banana Man” who’s not blogging these days and “Hyper Dude” who… well, let’s just leave it at… doesn’t have the time to read our blogs much less write his own.

Curse you “Banana Man” for introducing us to this medium of conversation. It’s bad enough that we’re addicted to MSN (I’m not talking about “Midas” or me here)

By the way, “Powerpuff”, I know I get confusing every now and then but when you try to comment on my ambiguous sentences, you talk about them in your own style of writing. So my sentence can now not be understood because it’s too complex (my doing) and because it’s so horribly written out (your doing).

Ok, quick view of what’s changed. Absolutely nothing, really. Got exams starting on the 14th of April. Almost time to go back to Dubai. It’ll be fun (I hope).

Ok, I’ve got four blog pages open right now and I know I don’t have to but I want to comment on all of them. Let’s start with the mildest.

“Midas” – I can’t believe it. I read over your blog twice and still nothing comes to mind. Could I have nothing to argue about? Well… you did agree with “Artsie” and I’ve got beef with him. Hmm, we might be getting serious about the blogs but it hasn’t degraded into face-to-face arguments and hair pulling. Right now, it’s full cyber wars. The hair pulling comes on Tuesday! Bwahaha! Oh! I was expecting a reply to the last blog I posted but I guess you said everything in the subway, so it’s all good. Ok, now I close your window.

“Froggie” – It seems to me that you deleted a couple of your blogs which you posted on Friday. Well, I do agree with you. Looks like my blogs have started a whole bunch of activity. However, I think we have “Banana Man” to thank for that. He analysed me which somewhat sparked the sudden expression of opinions by everyone.

You can’t avoid criticism by doing nothing at all. Then people will pick on you for being so dull and inactive. And, Who The Heck Is “Grim”? One of us should post a blog with all the pseudonyms and the characters, so we all know who is who. Ok, close this window.

I didn’t know whether to argue with “Powerpuff” first or with “Artsie”. However, since I have more to say to “Powerpuff”, she’ll come last. Don’t worry, I’ll take it easy on her.

“Artsie” – Ok, your first point proved what “Banana Man” and I were talking about to some extent. Basically, “Banana Man” said that if you cared to think about what we were talking about, you would ultimately stop caring because it didn’t matter to you. <- Badly phrased but I like it this way. Second Point – I know we don’t live on opposite sides of the world (unfortunately says I while looking pointedly at “Hyper Dude”. People people! I’m just kidding. If I didn’t say that, “Hyper Dude” will get riled up and my parents will become worried even more. Speaking of which, I need to address my parents too!). Anyhow, I don’t call “Powerpuff” mainly because I don’t have her number. Remind me to get that off you. I know “Froggie” gave them to me but I was not on my computer so I couldn’t note them down. As for chatting… well, you know that I’m not using MSN so chatting isn’t ‘feasible’. You know very well that I can say something to someone’s face with no fear. However, it’s more fun letting them read it here and it also keeps everyone else ‘in the loop’. You’re too impatient. Waiting to find out how the other replies is half the enjoyment. If you had everything laid out in front of you, you’d get bored of it all pretty quickly. This way, you’re actually living in this story! Third point – I didn’t say that I didn’t want people commenting on what I wrote. I just said that I didn’t want them commenting on what I wrote in person. In blogs or e-mail is fine. I don’t mind if you talk about blogs or something about the blogs but I don’t want to have discussions with you about my blog mainly because of the reason I mentioned a couple of blogs ago and also because I need to be in the right mood to be philosophical. I don’t blog when I begin thinking deeply. Rather, I think deeply when I blog. It’s like I’m immune to writer’s block. I think that’s pretty apparent from the length of my blogs. Hopefully, I’ll be immune even when I become a journalist! Fourth point. You’re going to come after me if I didn’t say all this to your face. Well, I’ve already said it to your face and now I’m putting it here for all to see. Also, you said that you would prefer it if I posted what happened after the ‘confrontations’, so let me tell everyone what happened. Basically, I turned to you during supper and rattled off my arguments against your four points (in a lot less detail) and that was the end of that. You didn’t say anything and I didn’t continue either. Yes, I see your point. This sounds a lot more interesting than actually having replied in my blog and letting you retort in yours. Time to move on to “Powerpuff” – Sorry laddy! Since you were talking to me one paragraph, I assumed that you were still talking about me in the next. I didn’t know that we were supposed to play a guessing game where we had to figure out to whom you’re talking to and when you’re talking to him/her. Also, it appears you missed the stupid joke I made. I said that I would fight it out but I wouldn’t kickbox. It’s a contradiction, yes and no. I can fight it out but I’m not hitting a girl so I would lose. Plus, I said that it’s not worth fighting my best friend over a girl. Therefore, I wouldn’t fight in this case. If you brought along some stranger and laid down the same stipulations, I’d fight him. It’s simple! (Jeez parents! I’m not having anger issues. We’re all still talking about the same THEORETICAL situation.) I never said I was going to get violent. I was just jokingly replying to “Midas’” blog. She suggested kickboxing and I just played along. No matter whether we fight or not, I would like to see the girl give my best friend a chance. Once he crashes and burns, I’ll swoop back in. Hahahaha! Nah! I hope the best for those two.

Actually, you’re pretty close to interpreting my disclaimer. Except, I don’t care whether anyone reads it or not, comments on it or not or agrees with it or not (even though the last one seems untrue). I’m just presenting my side to everything that I talk about.

I know I’ve made a difference when I get a person to sit and listen to what I have to say for then I’ll know that they are willing to hear me out. I know I’ve made a difference when people want to read my blogs (however controversial they may be) but don’t agree with most of the things I say.

You misunderstood “Artsie”. He’s not talking about you and me when he mentioned the psychoanalysis. He was talking about “Banana Man” and I. “Midas” is dammit. Don’t listen to a word she says. If she talks too much, just point out a soft earlobe. While you’re at it, burn his Lipton teabags and drown “Froggie” in Lemon Juice.

I can’t believe you actually counted the paragraphs of my blog to find the phrase you wanted. Getting bored of studying? Wanted something ‘fun’ to do? Actually, I’m talking about the people around me so my blogs aren’t ‘fictional’. All my blogs revolve around me complaining about them and a few other things that just enter my mind.

The rest of the stuff you wrote about is all what you think so I’m not arguing with that. I don’t want to enter the “Twilight Zone”

Uff Stupid!

“AARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!”

Now! Where was I? Ah yes, time to move onto the parents. There’s nothing psychologically wrong with me. I’ve been like this for a long time and you never thought anything was wrong before. So what if I’m expressing myself now? You’re always talking about how we should let you know what we’re thinking. Well, here’s what I think. Yes, I understand that you’re getting worried and have no clue what’s going on here in Canada. Which is why you two are worrying without reason. Everything is fun here. I’m having a blast and I don’t have any worries (well a few, which I’ll address soon). So, the stuff I write in my blog might be crazy and might be troubling but all is well. Anyhow, why would I want to see a psychiatrist? So he can do the same thing the last one did? Try to convince me that there’s nothing wrong with me and that I should stop coming up with imaginary pains just so that I get parental attention? No, if I go to a psychiatrist, I’m so sure that I’d rip into him and make him cry. Then I’d convince him that he has a pain in his leg and see what he does. Nutcases! Yes yes, stop gaping like codfish. I’m joking. (Well, not about the “nutcases” part) If I did go to a psychiatrist, I doubt I’d open up to him. I’m not going to tell him what I think. He can ask me what he wants and I’ll answer him truthfully but I’m not going to break down and start sobbing simply because I so badly want a necklace too but am afraid of the mockery that will ensue after that. NUTCASES! I’m going to crack you! BWAHAHAHA!

Still think I’m psycho? Well, the day I think I’m psychotic; I’ll donate my body to science. After it’s been all mangled and ‘used’, you guys can bury it and engrave the following epitaph:

Here lies our son
Who penned his thoughts for all to see
For our shock was his fun
And our worries, his glee

When he left, he went nuts
And now all we have left are his guts
This isn’t that funny to parents
But I’m in more stitches than tents

You see? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with me. Ok, the things that are worrying me. Well, I’ve already talked to you guys about them. Studies, luggage, flight, money, how to spend holiday. So nothing new there. I know, “Spend less time with others and even lesser time blogging and more time studying”. Khoob daba ke parhai karo aur chutiyaan mein mazay karma.

Hmm, I think my next blog will be pretty interesting. I think I’ll write down all the good things about the people around me and the people with me (in my heart… awww) and I’ll even throw in a few good things about inanimate objects. How does that sound? I think it sounds perfectly ‘sane’.

Now, I want to stop here so that I can go have breakfast soon. “WAFFLES!!”

P.S. I’m holding your teabag hostage, “Artsie”!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!