Ode Recess

It struck me that I never actually talked about the wrestling event that I attended. It’s definitely something that I want to remember and I guess this would be a good way, seeing how it’ll help me recall the experience if I can read what I felt at the time.

The show itself was alright. Being there was an awesome experience though. Sure, I’ve been to a live event before but firstly it wasn’t televised like this one. Seeing myself appearing on the big screen repeatedly kind of lost its charm after a few minutes but it was still pretty cool knowing that I was getting air time. On a separate note, I looked pretty good on the telly. Definitely a good looker!!

The highlight of the night would probably be getting really close to a few of the wrestlers. Randy Orton and Chris Jericho!! Woo-hoo! Shook hands with the two of them. That was unbelievable. Took a lot of pictures but they didn’t come out as well as I hoped. Still, I remember a lot of what happened. Plus, if I get a recording of that episode, the memory will live on!

A friend of “Newbie”, who I won’t bother naming since I don’t know whether she’ll appear often in my works, was going through my song collection and she just happened to play a few choice songs that I use to listen to when I was in England.

I don’t really have that many memories related to listening to those songs except that I probably heard them when my family used to be out on our long drives. Just listening to those songs brings back strong feelings. No memories, just feelings of nostalgia of a time when there never seemed to be a care in the world. Ah, childhood! How you’ve passed me by so quickly. I couldn’t wait to grow up and now I wish I could relive my childhood. It just ended such a short time ago.

To be a kid again… haha, I’m saying that well before my time. Back to the poems!

Family

I passed by a man on the street
His head was hung low
His spirit seemed beat
Until his face began to glow
As his kid came to him
And his problems grew dim

Times like these make you think
Think of the people you left behind
The ones who share a blood link
The ones with whom you bind

The faces of my brothers came to mind
Like a torch shining in the night
Memories of all the good times
Even when we used to fight

My parents followed thereafter
Their scolding voice was heard
And then came their laughter
Sweeter than a song by a bird

Memories like these had faded
My mind had begun to change
And my judgement had become jaded
My actions had become strange

These are the people behind me
They are the source of my life
They are the ones who keep me happy
Until along shall come my wife

The "Jackass" Strikes Back!

It’s an interesting experience getting hit by a car… I definitely recommend it to everyone.

For those few seconds before and after, things go quite differently. As soon as I got hit, I probably only slid across the hood for a split second but that was enough time for me to brace myself for the fall on to the asphalt. I remember being tossed about but everything was moving so fast that I didn’t see myself slide off. I still got my hands up after I rolled off the hood and skidded across the road.

That’s not the interesting part. It’s how fast you can think when you need to. It’s also how you seem to take in so much instantly. I noticed a car which WAS actually obeying the traffic light right along the road where I got hit. What’s more interesting is that I kind of saw me getting hit and rolling off from the point of view of the car driver. Still, nothing I would consider an out-of-body or even a near-death experience. None of that crap.

Right after I landed, the first thing I did was look at the pedestrian signal to confirm whether I did in fact have the right of way. In the same glance, I noticed a few other cars stopped at the intersection, I saw a paramedic van and I saw that I was in the hospital area anyway. That was in one glance. Almost instantly, I’m back up on my feet and I’m walking to where the car is.

It’s just amazing how fast you can think when it’s needed.

Now, the ire of “Jackass” was unsheathed. I’m not letting a car hit me without hitting it back. So, I got a couple of sponsors today to pay the fee (all proceeds go to charity, of course) and I walk up to a car that was meant to be trashed by engineers.

“Pick a weapon of your choice but don’t hit yourself with it”, said the guy in charge. Haha, I’m not taking any stupid weapon. Open the stupid door and I’m going to ram it. Fine! Since you insist, I’ll find a hardhat.

People are watching this idiot with a hardhat whereas none of the previous people had needed one. This guy really is an idiot. He hasn’t even got a weapon. Ok, he just opened the door and walked away. Wait… he stopped. He’s turning. Now he’s running at the door. Oh-kay, don’t know what he’s planning… ouch! He just tackled the door and smashed through it. This guy’s crazy.

Correction! This guy is “Jackass”. I shall take my revenge on cars and although I didn’t manage to break off the door, I did manage to bend it with my efforts.

So, compared to the day I got hit, car-smash day was a lot of fun. I had fun pretty much all throughout the day.

I would breathe a sigh of content, but I have a few poems to write. I’ll get cracking on them until I feel sleepy.

Hi! My Name Is... What? My Name Is...

I’m not a teapot
Short and stout
My name is Ice Hot
Cold up north, hot down south

Creativity Drain

I’m not going to be dealing with too much philosophical stuff these days since I possibly become too thoughtful and get distracted from my studies. So, I need an outlet for my creative skills and a way of giving my mind a leisurely stroll every now and then. I have a request to make of anyone who visits this site.

Until I resume my old ways of blogging, I want all my readers (friends, family and casual readers) to give me a topic from which I’ll come up with a poem or a story depending on which one the reader asks for.

Don’t scoff… really, I want your topics. Just try to keep them decent and give me a topic on which it’s possible to write on.

However, the first two topics on which I want to write poems are “Family” and “Friends” since I do have ideas on what I want to say in those.

Don’t let that stop you from tagging me with your topics.

Arranged Thoughts

Well, before I get on to the main topic, I guess I should introduce a new character. She should have been brought into my topics so long ago but hey, better late than never, right?

Cue for “Sugar”. Some will get confused and think that I’ve already talked about her before. That was “Sabbi”. “Sugar” is “Sabbi’s” cousin who I’ve talked to quite often over the past few months. I’ve become good friends with her and it is not rare to look at my computer screen when I’m chatting and see a window open with her. So, “Sugar” does provide a new sort of fun compared to all the other people I enjoy talking to. Well, I could probably say a lot about her too but right now, she’s the source of my newest thought so I thought I’d mention her before moving on.

Ok, so we were discussing arranged marriages and contrary to the way a lot of western people think, neither of us are against it. Sure, we wouldn’t like to be stuck with someone we don’t even know for the rest of our lives, but then again, our parents are the ones choosing the partner. Our parents have always looked out for us and they’re not going to pick someone for us who they know we won’t like.

Sometimes I want to let my mum pick for me without questioning her motive. I feel I owe her so much that the least I could do is lay down my life in front of her and let her decide how I spend the rest of my life. I’m not asking her to make my life but I’m offering my life as a gift for what she’s helped it become. She’s already done so much to help me become who I am as a person, that it’ll be a nice way of saying that I believe in her opinion and that I trust her to make the right decision.

So, my grades haven’t been all that good. I need to make a change. To put it crudely, ‘Enough of this philosophical crap and let’s get settled back down in the real world’. I’ve got work to do and it’s going to be fun to be done with it.

Quickie

I had a half-hour before I was planning on lying down so out of a lack of activities for me to do, I randomly chose a blog of mine to read. It just so happened that I chose one of the longest (if not the longest) ones that I’ve written. It was pretty interesting for me to read through it. It’s titled “Recent Thou… Complaints”. I wrote it this past summer when I was in Dubai.

It was refreshing to gain a fresh aspect in to my different sides. Reading through, I could relate to what I talked about back then, but I don’t think the same way I did then. I liked the several humorous comments that are subtly placed here and there. It was amusing reading how I described my thoughts and the funny sentences accompanying them.

I also got a glimpse of my ruthless side. I realised that I used to be pretty harsh and unfair. Perhaps I had not thought through the whole matter before commenting on it but even though I feel that I would have thought the same way, I would been more ‘diluted’ in my words.

I’m sure that I haven’t changed much since then but it’s not like that matters. I’m not regretting who I was in the past for it’s helped define who I am in the present and the same holds true for the future.

I’m still running high on my beliefs that I shall become successful and all, but… but… I’m going to first conquer my pessimism.

The reason I’m called a pessimist is because I point out the negative side in things. I call myself a realist because I’m pointing out the other side of the story. Usually, the other person is quick to list the positive aspects so I’m normally left with the dirty job of reminding them of the liabilities. Give me a chance and I shall be the one to list the good points.

I’m a dreamer. After a long time, I’m going to take my dreams out of the closet and re-examine them. Perhaps, they were placed in the closet because they weren’t what I wanted in the first place .

Perhaps, I just wasn’t ready to go after them.

I’m ready.

Return Of The King!

Ribena! A taste of England. I’ve missed that drink. It’s just soooo good.

My winter vacations have passed really busily. Now that they are over, I feel they were too short but when I was getting on the airplane to return to Toronto, it seemed like I had been in Pakistan for more than just 9 days.

Funny! When I thought I wasn’t going, I sent a wedding card and expected it to arrive around the day of the wedding. Turned out, I got there before my card. Not only that, I left before it arrived too. It arrived the day I got back. Just like this summer where I had everyone abuzz with a nice poem about being home and being with family that I wrote on the day I was leaving Karachi, I’ve got everyone talking about something else that came up once I left Karachi. I’m all about making impacts, it seems.

I think one of the main reasons why my parents wanted me there was because they know that in Pakistan, I’m a much better person and not as psychotic. It just seemed like they strove to get me there and it almost seemed like I had quite a few family members who appeared too overjoyed that I was there. I’m all about popularity, it seems.

Everyone keeps joking about how I’ve hooked up and it’s pretty funny watching them try to make fun of me. I actually like hearing all the rumours and stuff that have started up. It’s amusing to see what they think.

I realised that I’m restricted in my blogs since my parents read this and that means that I can’t talk about every single thing that goes through my mind. I know that every parent tells their kid that the kid can discuss any topic at all with the parent. Well, we all know that’s not true and there are always things you can’t tell your parents.

On that note, I need to tell my parents that I’m not talking about depressing thoughts that I know will really send you off the edge but just about other random things most of which are pretty happy thoughts.

“Fartsie” mentioned that all of us seem to be getting so philosophical. As far as I’m aware, the only blog sites that he visits would be mine and “Banana Man’s”. For some reason, I have the impression that people consider philosophical thoughts to be depressing stuff.

Philosophy is quite an interesting topic and I can say that I really like thinking about different sort of things. I’m not looking for anything specific and am not trying to figure out something special. For me, it all boils down to just thinking about the smaller things in life and simply pondering over them. There’s nothing depressing, nothing pleasing, nothing suicidal or euphoric about that. I’m a thinker… nothing wrong with that, right?

I’m not looking forward to the new semester. Like many others, I’m sick of U of T and I want a change. Life in Karachi seems so much better but perhaps that’s because for the past few years, I’ve only been sampling the best of it. I know that life in Toronto is great and that I can have a blast here. If only I could find the time to do that all. I need to organise my time a lot better if I want to enjoy my stay here. But when the university expects 26 hours of work over the weekend, there’s barely any room for enjoyment even if I don’t work for 26 hours.

I wouldn’t mind leaving U of T but so many different things will keep me here. I’m almost done with 2nd year and that would leave 2 more years. I’m not giving up now especially since I’m expecting an improvement for this year. I see so much potential for enjoying what I do if only I can get past the stupid paperwork and into more practical work. I have to wait for my passport time. But I know for sure that as soon as I get my degree (Inshallah), I’m headed straight for Pakistan. Hopefully, by then I’ll have my passport so I won’t need to worry about coming back here. Like I said, life here can be great but that’s not how my life is here.

So, we’re all depressed and we all hate U of T. What next? Nothing. We’re all going to go into the new semester with resolves to work harder and make sure that our grades are good. At the end, we’re going to graduate and we’re going to forget our bad memories of this place and even though we’ll call it a hell-hole, we’re going to tell other people about all the fun we managed to squeeze out of this place.

It’s quite pathetic being depressed about things. Pathetic things piss me off. I’ve become a pathetic person especially over the past few months but it’s like there’s this smug smile on the inside that I know I’m a great person and that I’ll be coming out of all this smelling like an Axe Deodorant.

I’m a pessimist. Whatever… at the end, I’m going to be smiling, I’m going to be tingling with expectation and I’m going to be the candle that lights up the darkness surrounding others. At the end, I’m going to be the great person which so many other people think I am. I’m not working towards being that person because that’s the person other people expect of me. I’m working towards letting that person out of me.

It all boils down to desire. Remember my blog on desire? Let me post it here for you. And no people! It’s not a poem. Just a bunch of paired sentences.

I want to die with honour, not live in shame
To take my downs and drag them up

I want to know my friends
Know how to help them be happy

There’s a desire to be successful
I want to have desires

I want to be known, not for money and fame
But known for being there

I need to care for things that matter
Yet nothing matters

People live for the world
I want the world to live for me

They say live for the moment
I say make your moment

If there’s no way out of your problems
Make a way

I don’t want to conform and follow
I want to be unique and lead

I don’t want the title of a Hero
Yet I want the satisfaction of doing good

I want to succeed for those who believe in me
I want to succeed to show those who don’t

I want to fill the void in the heart of another
Not with despair or love but with the knowledge of being loved

I want to go out and do these things
Yet it would mean doing the same thing I do everyday.

That’s the sort of person I am. The ones closest to me say I have issues and that I’m all messed up in the head. They say I’m a hermit and a pessimist and that I’m depressed. The ones closest to me are there because they saw the real me. The one that made them get close in the first place. They are there because I’m the sort of person that attracts friendship.

“Sis” gave me a few presents when I was leaving Dubai. One of them has this quote on it:

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future and accepts you today the way you are”

The last part is really accurate. There are a few who I can say have really accepted my mood over the past year or two with the blink of an eye and have waited patiently through all my outbursts (even the ones directed at them) so that when I emerge from the valleys, I can rejoin them at the top of the mountains to once more smile down upon the kingdoms of our lives. Those friends of mine know who they are and let me say this

“My brothers and sisters. I’m coming back! Until that day, when we meet once again, guide me with your shining light as I navigate the perils of this valley. Once again, come to my aid as I drive BACK the forces of darkness”

How’s that for a speech?