Grape Punch

I had a couple of things enter my mind last night just before I fell asleep but I can’t remember what they are anymore. I think one of them was about getting people to do what you want.

Manipulation is a big part of life. People want to get their way so they play mind games or they back the other person into a corner until they yield. I think I do it often. Nothing sinister or evil. I do what it takes to make sure things work out well. I guess I have a low opinion of the general public. Most of my experiences point towards them being complete idiots. I know that’s not true since they are still living and many people have successful or good lives. Yet, they seem to be lacking basic common sense when it comes to simple things like walking!

A trick I learnt in fencing was to advance on your opponent and back them towards the end of the piste. Once there, you could perform a check-step forward which is where you start taking a step back but quickly lunge. The point being that your opponent is cornered and about to be penalised for going out of bounds. Give them a way out and they’ll go for it. Except, it’s a deception and while they are moving forward, you’re going for a lunge (if you’re quick enough). End result? You just nicked your opponent.

That’s a form of manipulation. You corner them and then provide them with an escape route. The person goes for it but you’ve sprung your trap and nailed them. I believe some hunters do this with their quarry when trying to capture them alive. They surround the prey and provide a way out. The animal darts through it but runs in to a netting or snare of some sort.

You’ve just had your first lesson in Manipulation 101. This could be applied for personal gain – such as getting a girl, if that’s your thing.

As “Puff” once told me, “Nothing makes a guy more appealing to a girl than letting her know that he’s not interested in relationships”. They want to be the one that changes this person’s mind, shows them the good of relationships.

I went to the dentist’s today just for a regular check-up and cleaning. I definitely prefer a female dentist to a male one because I remember how my male dentist in Dubai would be sweating inside his latex gloves. With his hands poking around in my mouth, I’d get close-ups of the sweat pools under the glove!

It wasn’t my regular dentist today. It was a recent graduate. She was half-Japanese and half-French. I think it made a very nice combo. French looks with Japanese eyes. She had bright eyes.

A difficulty of being in the chair is that the dentist wants to be friendly and talk to you. But that’s hard when you have to keep your mouth open. And they are very nice people and easy to talk to, but then you’re also thinking that you should be asking about them too – except you’re not really sure what to ask.

Dentists have a good memory – last time I went there was 6 months ago but when I’m talking to them, they remember everything I’ve ever told them. “I remember you asked about this procedure – are you still interested?” or “You’re doing your last year of engineering, right?” or “You must be loving the weather – you’re fond of the cold, aren’t you?” They remember my name, who I’m living with, that I’m the youngest and that my mom visits every so often. Remarkable!

While you’re in the dentist’s chair, you can’t do much – just sit there with your mouth open. So, you want to look around. Except, the light is right above you meaning you need to look left or right. Often, the dentist is peering right over you, which means that your only option is to look at him / her. That’s how I noticed she had very nice eyes. It was all I could see behind her mask anyway but yeah, the eyes were nice.

Dentistry certainly has changed. All these new procedures. My fluoride treatment gave me a choice of flavours!! I still have a grape-y flavour on my lips. Looks like I’ll be experiencing this again in 6 months.

Reconsider

Alright, it gets annoying. As time passes, things do pop up in my head that I could possibly talk about but when it comes to getting them out, I just don’t feel like writing. Or if I do, I feel like I could better spend my time doing something else. That means I just end up with a list of topics to discuss and the dim hope that I’ll actually remember what I had to say about each topic! So, now that I’ve actually taken the time out to write something up, what do I expect? I expect me to flutter from topic to topic without saying anything of substance simply because I’ve forgotten what initially brought the subject matter to my attention.

Let’s start off with taking liberties with another. Most of us do it – we get comfortable with a friend and innately speak on their behalf. What usually happens is that a person takes more and more liberties until they step out of bounds. I tend to do it with “Emperor”. Whether or not I think he’ll do something or how he feels about something. Generally, they are harmless things and the people I’m talking to expect an immediate answer so I oblige. However, it’s something I should stop doing since he’s perfectly capable of talking for himself.

However, liberties don’t just come in the shape of speaking for someone else. Actions too – you could start doing something for someone else under the guise of helping them out or saving them some inconvenience. Normally, it’s not a problem if both parties know what’s going on and a boundary line is established.

Let’s move on to lying. Another flaw present in most of us. I lie. I’m not talking about joking lies that are obviously transparent or not meant to cover up something. I mean lies that aim to make the other believe me. Usually, my lies are meant to lay rest to a topic that I have no interest in talking about. I would go around telling people “I don’t care to talk about that” but that just starts them up on “You should care about it” or “You can’t go through life ignoring topics that you don’t care about”. I can’t really remember when I last lied to someone but I’d like to think it’s rare.

This was the topic that made me realise that I would blog again. It hit me one day and I thought that I’d definitely be able to say something about this. However, it took me a few days to finally commit it to memory. Every time it came up, it’d slip out again within a minute. The topic was “Mental Barriers”. People stop themselves from doing something because they have some preconceived notion on why their attempts will fail. Most of the time, the reasons aren’t valid. The person will cling to the excuse hoping that it’ll excuse them for being dormant about the issue although their voice lets everyone know exactly what they think of that situation. They’ll talk about it but they won’t do anything about it.

It goes back to my last post about being afraid when someone threatens to beat you up or points a gun at you. It’s your fear that would cripple you into not thinking properly. Your fear would prevent you from taking the right steps – granted, that if your fear makes you submit meekly to your attacker and that spares you then you did still achieve the main goal.

*Side Note* I mentioned in my last post about being threatened with a gun. Although my source of new information stems from a different scenario, the person said that he wasn’t afraid to die. He was afraid of letting down the people who rely on him. Is it the same for me? Perhaps it is. Then again, I’ve let enough people down so I don’t have to worry about people relying on me.

When I see martial artists and acrobats on the television, I wish that I could do what they do. I want to be able to perform flips, aerial somersaults or even learn Parkour. At the moment, I know that I can’t do those things safely so I don’t. That’s not a mental barrier. The mental barrier would be my thinking that even if I learn those skills, I’ll hardly (if ever) utilise them, at which point they’ll degrade into my current state.

The obvious argument to this is that these barriers can be warranted – that if someone knows they can’t succeed, they don’t bother. But honestly, has that ever gotten someone somewhere? “Well, if I try, I’ll fail. So I just won’t attempt it.” People like this sit at the second tier of the “Useless People” chain. They are right above the people who don’t even think about making things better but instead, just accept them the way they are.

It was a tossup deciding who belongs at the third tier. The second tier people almost made it but in the end, I gave the nod to people who try without thinking about it. At least these people are doing something to make improvements. They aren’t thinking their plans through but they’ll learn from their mistakes and experience. Eventually, they’ll reach the top tier people. The top of the coveted food chain is where everyone should aspire to be. These are the people who know what they are doing. They use their knowledge to better everything.

I have the feeling that a certain individual out there will disagree. He’ll say that there’s nothing wrong in living for yourself and if you remain a good person, then world improvement is an unnecessary goal.

A lot of people don’t try something because they are afraid of failing. Failure can have a crippling effect on someone’s self-esteem and confidence. If we only look at attempts to make something of yourself in life, even failure has its plus sides. Yet, the fear of failing (and the consequences of it) normally makes most people back away.

Now, I have a point on my list that says “Sheltered Breeding”. I don’t really remember what I had to say about this. So, I’ll just go with the typical response. The standard answer would be that sheltering your kids is good… in moderation, of course! Too much protection and they end up being sissies. They should be able to fend for themselves without the parents. When you send them off to a university abroad, they should be expect to deal with all sorts of things on their own.

Of course, if you don’t protect them, they’ll just float from mistake to mistake and potentially never hit upon the right track. So, moderation is the key.

Alright, time to address some expectations people have formed of me. I’m the one to blame for them forming these but there is a large degree of truth in them. Some people see traits in me at more developed states than they really are.

I do feel cold. I’m not cold blooded that I can survive in the winters without some form of covering. I think I have a higher tolerance of the cold than other people. I feel the weather but it doesn’t affect me the same. I guess that’s the “Mind over matter” issue. I don’t keep thinking that it’s cold so my attention isn’t on the heat that I’m losing. Yes, I can go out in my shorts and t-shirt when it is -35°C weather but if I’m out there for more than fifteen minutes, I’ll freeze like anyone else.

I generally feel cold when there’s a soft draft in generally still air. I don’t know the science behind it. In air-conditioned rooms, I get Goosebumps fairly quickly. So, classrooms or cinema halls normally make me feel cold although that’s still rare.

I do care about others. There is the impression that I can pass off feelings for others as easily as “Emperor” can pass gas but there are loads of things I do that show people I care. I won’t bother to elaborate on that because most of the things will make people say “That doesn’t prove anything”.

I do care about my looks. Sure, I don’t bother ironing my clothes or brushing my hair but when I’m going out, I do make sure that my clothes aren’t falling apart or look really shabby. Those shabby shirts become my house wear. I also do notice that my clothes aren’t ironed or my hair is tousled and that I’d look better if I had pressed my shirts and brushed my hair. But, I won’t actually do that. I don’t care that much! Give me some credit though! I don’t wear shorts and t-shirts of the same colour anymore! No more grey on grey, black on black or white on white.

I do sleep properly! Granted, I am a very light sleeper and it doesn’t take anything more than my bedroom door creaking or someone to loudly call out from another room to wake me. Other than a couple of days of the week, I do manage to sleep despite increasing warmth or brightness in the room. I do manage to sleep through some car horns on the streets below and I wouldn’t be surprised if I’ve slept through emergency vehicle sirens.

There are other projections of my personality but I don’t want to spend time remembering them. I guess my point is – most of what you think about me is probably an exaggerated truth.

I have “Religious Boundaries” on my list too. I can’t recall what I wanted to say about it. It might have something to do with my Sociology class but I doubt it – because nothing that’s said in that class sticks with me when I’m at home. There was something my professor said about how religious rules come from people attaching divinity to tradition or customs to deter people from performing acts outside of those rules. He also said that religions were contaminated by society in the sense that a religion wouldn’t be accepted if it proposed things outside of someone’s social beliefs. So, to ease the acceptance of the religion into society, it would offer benefits that people would find appealing or it would place a spin on rules to make them acceptable.

I don’t really have anything to say about that. I’m very much aware of the thought tracks inside of me that would lead to me believe that all religions are figments of someone’s vivid imagination but perhaps I have a Mental Barrier that keeps me from exploring that path. This track does intersect my current religious beliefs so that I do think that adhering strictly to all the requirements of my religion isn’t necessary but as long as I believe in God and follow a generally good path, I should be alright. Everything else is a way of showing my gratitude.

Which isn’t all bad – if you consider something as a requirement, then you’re doing it because you have to. But if you’re doing something out of your own will, then your actions actually have meaning. It’s like praying 5 times a day because it’s a requirement but really, just thinking about your favourite TV show or something else while going through the actions sort of detracts from the main intention behind prayer. Compare a person who prays five times a day but constantly thinks about other things instead to a person who prays perhaps once a week but truly devotes his / her time to the prayer. Who is more sincere?

I’ve made a bunch of new friends since the start of this semester. I strongly maintain that friendship doesn’t require any work. Most people don’t go out looking to make friends. You’re just yourself and you end up making friends. So, if you can make friends without trying to, why must you work at keeping it going? Besides, the best friendships keep getting better automatically.

One thing I’ve noticed is how you can be good friends with someone when the friendships starts but once the friendship begins to settle down, you notice all these flaws in your friend. In fact, these flaws are big enough to make you reconsider the friendship. Normally, you start weaning out the friend from your life and eventually, the friendship fades. Other people try to cling on to the friendship – after all, you saw something there that made you friends in the first place – You give them the benefit of the doubt and hope that things still work out fine.

I made a bunch of friends at the workplace this summer. I can’t say I expected those friendships to be lasting or to develop into something good but they did. I wasn’t even at the same office as all of them but it hardly mattered because I still spent a substantial amount of time with them. And out of all of them, a small group of us emerged together because we managed to meet up more often. It’s not exclusive and I could be reading too much in to it but I see solidarity amongst us. Ok, I’m not being clear.

The small group meets up every so often. It’s an expectation of sorts that we’ll see each other at the next outing. The others are uncertain although that could be because of geographic location or prior engagements. They are a different bunch of friends than the ones I’ve had all my life. I had friends formed out of school or university. These are friends from work. Although we are hardly the prime examples of professionalism, these friends feel like adult friends. Our outings are probably wild compared to my usual excursions but they feel tamer. Yet, there’s an appeal to it. We toast each other at our dinners. It gives me a sense of intimacy with the friends. There’s a maturity in the friendships.

So, those friendships mean something to me now. I like going out to meet them now because it’s a big change from the usual group of friends that I go out with. If the other interns join us, then that’s good. But if they don’t, I’m still good as long as this core group comes along.

More and more of my friends are in long-term relationships now. When I’m out with the couple, people could call me the third wheel although I certainly don’t feel that way. Of course, I’m not holding hands with my friends but I don’t feel excluded. I don’t know about them though. I’ve never asked them about it although I’m fairly sure that they’d wave it off. I did ask one couple actually and they said that it’s not true. I believe them but it certainly makes for an interesting time when out with couples. Of course, I don’t always expect it to stay like this – eventually, I’ll be intruding, at which point, I’ll need to recognise the signs of wear on the welcome mat.

I’ve known “Emperor” for just over three years now. That’s not really a long time but I don’t really think much of my time in high school. Once I came to university, that’s what my academic life became about. And because my friends are also my classmates, my social life changed too. Yet, once I met “Emperor”, we stayed in the same residence for two years, we’ve been in almost every class together and we’ve almost always formed project groups together. Our circles of friends are the same to every extent.

Why do I mention him? I’ve spent more time with him than anyone else in the past three years. That alone warrants a mention. He’s a benchmark of sorts. If I extrapolate on my feeling that high school didn’t exist, then “Emperor” and I have shared very similar lives with some deviances. I don’t suppose that means much but it does make his opinion carry weight with me.

So there we go, I’ve got a long entry. I’m in a long conversation with “Bundar” about relationships at the moment but we have really differing views so we’re not getting anywhere. I can understand everything he’s saying but at the end of the conversation, we’re both going to leave with unsatisfied tastes in our mouths because neither of us made a point that’ll stick with the other. Of course, that’ll soon come to an end because bedtime approaches.

Title for this entry? Reconsider – I guess I’m asking people to reassess who they are, how they project themselves and their friendships.